Ce script VO a été migré dans le guide de l'épisode.
Red, Fez, Kelso, Kitty, Eric and Hyde are having dinner in the kitchen
KITTY: So, what are you boys doing tonight?
FEZ: Well, this evening, Miss Big Rhonda returns from the dirt farms of Mississippi. I am off to the bus station and she will melt into my loving arms.
RED: Well, you better wear a raincoat, ‘cause she ain't small. Hehehehe!
FEZ: She is big, isn't she? (he leaves)
HYDE: Well, I'm taking this chick up to the lake for some you know, bird watching.
KELSO: Ooh, bird-watching. I think me and Jackie are going to go ''bird-watching'' too. It's cool, 'cause they don't know what we're talking about.
Red and Kitty look at him
HYDE: Think they cracked it, Kelso.
Kelso and Hyde leave
ERIC: Well, I guess it's just us Three Musketeers tonight, huh? ''All for one and one for all,'' right?
KITTY: Well, um, actually your father and I were gonna do some reading...upstairs...together.
RED: What your mom's trying to say is: ''Go away for 20 minutes.''
KITTY: Forty-five minutes, Red.
RED: Fine. Get lost for 35 minutes.
ERIC: Fine. But you know what? I got a little question for you. Why even have kids if you ain't gonna spend time with them? I suggest you use your 35 minutes to think about that (he leaves)
KITTY: He needs a new girlfriend.
RED: Come on, Kitty. You're on the clock.
KITTY: Oh, you know what? Just turn off your clock. I'm gonna go talk to him.
RED: You can't turn off the clock! Oh, she doesn't understand the clock.
Rhonda is waiting. Fez gets out of the car
RHONDA: Cocoa Puff!
FEZ: Mashed potato!
RHONDA: What are you doing here?
FEZ: Well, I wanted to see you because I wanted to ask you something. Would you go out with me this Saturday?
RHONDA: Oh, my God. Course I will!
She lifts him up and squeezes him
FEZ: Can't... breathe. It hurts.
RHONDA: Ah, suck it up.
She hands him his suitcase, which Fez immidiately drops because it's too heavy for him
FEZ: Wow, strong girl.
RHONDA (sitting in the car): Crap-alula. Fez just asked me out. I'm so nervous, and I left my asthma puffer in Mississippi. I've never been on a real date. I'm...what am I gonna wear?
KELSO: Who cares? You could be naked with a welding hat and Fez'd still be all over you.
RHONDA: Well, that sounds like fun. But I want it to be special.
DONNA: You know what? We'll help you get ready.
RHONDA: Oh, that'll be great. I wanna look pretty.
JACKIE: Pretty? Oh, sweetie, maybe you can learn some jokes or something.
A customer is complaining at the register
CUSTOMER: Look, dropout, this coupon says 20 cents off the athlete's-foot cream. So pay up!
RED: Is there, uh, a problem here?
STACY (on P.A.): This sad little man has fungussy feet but won't spend the…
STACY: Mr. Forman, his coupon expired.
RED: Oh, that's all right (opening the register) Here's your 20 cents. Now, you come again, huh?
STACY: Mushroom foot.
STACY: I'm sorry, Mr. Forman. It's just that he's such a dumb-ass.
Red turns around to look at Stacy. Organ music plays and a golden light shines on her
RED: I like you.
Red is driving, Eric is sitting next to him
RED: Hey, you know who I like?
RED: Stacy, that cute, new cashier at work. You should ask her out.
ERIC: Sorry Dad. I don't like to dip my pen in the company ink.
RED: Well, I don't like you being home three Fridays in a row. Look, if you don't have the guts to talk to her, I'll pave the way.
ERIC: Hey. Listen, if anyone's gonna talk to her I'll talk to her.
RED: Well, then we know no one's gonna talk to her.
ERIC: Hey, I might.
RED: You… You still like girls, don't you son?
ERIC: No, Dad, they're yucky.
Fez, Kelso, Hyde and Eric are standing behind a shelf, spying on Stacy
KELSO: Oh, my God.
ERIC: I know. She is seriously hot.
KELSO: No, not her. This KISS alarm clock. Check it out!
He turns it on, the song Rock and Roll All Night plays, interupted by "Wake up!"
KELSO: Yeah, this I like.
HYDE: Forman, you have a responsibility to all of us to find out what's underneath that smock.
KELSO: I bet it's boobs.
RED: So, spying on her, huh? Well, that's mature. Why don't you just pull her hair and run?
FEZ: Yes, let's do that.
ERIC: All right. All right, all right. All right. All right. I'm gonna go do this. Yeah, all right. I can't do this.
RED: Oh, geez. I'll go talk to her.
ERIC: No! (Red stops walking) What? Now you're gonna start listening to me? Go!
Grease the wheels, pal.
Donna is sitting on the couch. Rhonda is pacing
RHONDA: Thanks for doing this. I know you guys'll make me pretty and stuff.
DONNA: Rhonda, it's no problem. We'll just help you pick some nice clothes… clean clothes… and... maybe do your hair… clean hair.
JACKIE (coming in) : Okay, the beauty ambulance has arrived! So, first things first. Let's get rid of those shoulder pads.
RHONDA: What shoulder pads?
PRICE MART – OFFICE
Red is sitting on his desk, Stacy is sitting in a chair
RED: So, Stacy, my son Eric is about your age. And he's a real nice guy, skinny but nice. And I was thinking the two of you should go out. What do you say?
STACY: Well, I kinda like someone else... (she puts her hand on Red's knee)
RED (getting up): Oh! Oh. Oh...no (he leaves)
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Red is reading his paper, Kitty is reading a magazine
ERIC (coming in): Hey. So, did she like me?
KITTY: Who's Stacy?
RED: Ahem.. She's not interested.
ERIC: She's not interested?
KITTY: How can she not be interested? Who is she?
ERIC: See? I knew I shouldn't have let you talk to her. Great. Now she thinks I'm a freak.
KITTY: Oh, she doesn't think you're a freak (to Red) Does she?
RED: Yes. Yes, she does. You better stay away from her.
KITTY: Well, your father's right. If anyone's a freak, she is.
ERIC: Did Stacy actually use the word ''freak''?
RED: Why don't you just let it go? Maybe the reason girls don't like you is because you just don't let things go! Stacy was saying just that thing today.
ERIC: I'm gonna go take a bath (he leaves)
KITTY: Well, now, who is this Stacy who doesn't like my son? I have half a mind to call her mother.
RED: I tried to set Eric up with this pretty girl at wor… Well… not pretty. Decent. Less ugly than most. Good enough for a young boy, but no man would be interested.
KITTY: Red, what are you talking about?
RED: Why can't anyone in this family just let things go?
KITTY: Red, you're blushing. OH! Don't tell me she has a crush on you.
RED: Kitty, I don't wanna talk about it.
KITTY: Okay. So, do you like her back?
Red gets up, angry, and leaves. Kitty makes kissing sounds after him and starts to laugh
Stacy is working at the register. Eric walks up to her
ERIC: Hi. Stacy. Hi. I'm Eric Forman. Look, I, uh, feel a little silly about my dad asking you out for me. You probably thought I was, like ugly or... slow or something. So, I just wanted to say hi... you know, give you a chance to you know, take a gander at the goods, so to speak.... and, uh, see if maybe, uh, tomorrow night you wanted to have dinner?
STACY: At your house? Will your dad be there? 'Cause I'll go if he's there.
ERIC: What, do you, like- do you, like, like my dad? (Stacy smiles and fidgets with her hair) Oh, my God! You like my dad?
STACY: Do you know if he's seeing anyone?
ERIC: Yeah. My mom. And they bought furniture together, so yeah, I think it's pretty serious.
Rhonda is in Hyde's chair. Donna is doing her hair. Jacky is on the couch
JACKIE: Ladies sit up straight.
Rhonda (reaching for the table): Candy! Ca-
DONNA (handing Rhonda the candy dish): Jackie, she doesn't have to sit like that.
JACKIE (taking the dish from Rhonda): Yes, she does.
Donna takes the dish and gives it to Rhonda. Jackie takes it away
DONNA: Stop doing that!
JACKIE: You stop doing that!
RHONDA: Hey! If I don't get a freakin' M&M, I'm gonna start swingin'!
JACKIE: You stay out of this! (she puts the hairdryer on Rhonda)
DONNA: Jackie, try to be more sensitive.
JACKIE: Donna, I am not gonna send her on her date looking like Sasquatch.
RHONDA (under the dryer and chewing M&M's): Huh?
DONNA: She said you're very pretty... ''atch.''
Later, Rhonda and Jackie are gone. Hyde is in his chair, Donna and Kelso are playing a game. Eric walks in.
ERIC: Hey, guys. I got news. Turns out Stacy doesn't even like me.
KELSO: Yeah, we kind of expected that.
HYDE: I thought you said you had news.
ERIC: Well, yeah. Here it comes. She likes Red.
DONNA: Oh, my God!
KELSO: Ohh. You're gonna have to leave town!
KELSO: Oh, 'cause we're gonna tell everyone! Hahahahahaha!
ERIC: How'd the 50-year-old guy get the girl? Look at me. I'm an attractive man (they look at him) Well, I got you.
DONNA: Technically, I got you. And then you blew it.
HYDE: Which means you didn't lose it, because you never had it. See, there's your silver lining.
DONNA: Eric, you have a lot of good qualities. I mean, you're funny. Like… Well, what just happened to you is funny.
HYDE: Look, that chick likes Red because he's a tough guy, a hard-ass. You? You're soft.
KELSO & DONNA: How soft is he, Hyde?
HYDE: Softer than Liberace at the Playboy Mansion (laughing really hard) Yeah!
KELSO: 'Cause he plays piano. Wait (Donna whispers the explanation in his ear) Ohh! Burn!
ERIC: You guys kill me. Look. How come Red is such a hard-ass, and I am so.... I mean.. Okay, when a bear has a baby... it's a little bear, right? My dad's a bear, but I'm like... a duck.
DONNA: Eric, you were a bear when you were born... but Red pounded you into the duck that we know and love.
ERIC: So, what are you saying? It's- It's Red's fault?
KELSO: Yeah. But the good news is, as a duck you can move more easily through the water.
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
The TV is on, Red is alseep on the couch. On the TV we hear: "And now, back to the Night of the Living Dead..." Then we are at Pricemart, in black&white. Stacy is standing at the register, with her back turned to Red
RED: Is everything okay over there, Stacy?
STACY: Come here, Mr. Forman. I wanna show you something.
She turns around, her face painted white, her lips and eyes black
RED: Holy crap! You're a zombie!
STACY (zombie-voice): I... want... Red.
RED: HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (he backs away and bumps into...)
KITTY: Red! How could you?
STACY: She's a sexy zombie! She overpowered me!
KITTY: I knew I couldn't trust you, you cheater! (she leaves)
RED: Kitty! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HAAAAAAAAA! HAAAAAAAAA!
RED (waking up): What the hell was that? (Kitty comes down the stairs) Oh, Kitty. Oh, I need to talk to you. I just wanna say with regard to this Stacy thing… I'm bound to attract a certain amount of attention. I can't help that. But I would never…
KITTY: Oh, Red. You wouldn't stray. You've got too much character. And who could blame her for being interested? You're certainly interesting to me.
RED: Really? Do you, uh... have some spare time?
KITTY: Why? Am I on the clock?
RED: I'm thinking 45 minutes.
KITTY: Ohh. The scenic route!
They run up the stairs together
Donna is sitting at a table. Jackie comes in
JACKIE: I give you... the new Rhonda!
RHONDA: First time in heels. So, where's Fez?
DONNA: Oh, he's nervous, so he's in the ''whoo-hoo.'' Have you been working on her all night?
RHONDA: She wouldn't even let me pee. I'd squash her like a bug if I could catch her. But I do look pretty.
FEZ: Rhonda, is that you? Boy, you look like a different girl.
RHONDA: Do you like it? (Snorting Laugh) Oh!
FEZ: Well, I thought we would begin our evening with a hot dog eating contest. Now, I realize you're county champion but I think I could make it interesting.
RHONDA: Sorry, Fez. I don't eat hot dogs for glory or money anymore. It's not ladylike.
FEZ: Says who?
RHONDA: Says them.
FEZ: Them? (to Donna and Jackie) What have you meddling whores done to my Rhonda?
DONNA: It was Jackie.
JACKIE: It was Donna.
DONNA: Fez, she wouldn't let her pee or eat.
JACKIE: Donna called her Sasquatch.
DONNA: That was you too!
FEZ: Shut up! Shut up. I just want her back like she was the first night I met her… on her knees, chugging beer straight from the keg.
RHONDA: But, Fez, I threw up twice that night.
FEZ: Yes... all over my heart. You big, lovable, clumsy galoot. And now, it is time that you two left. Good day.
JACKIE: But, Fez…
RHONDA: He said, ''Good day''!
Donna and Jackie leave. Rhonda hugs Fez
Eric is eating breakfast
ERIC: So, I'm a duck, huh? Yeah, we'll see who's a duck (Red walks in) Oh. Hey, there you are. Yeah, we need to talk, man. I've been thinking out this whole Stacy thing… It's your fault. Yeah. You were too tough on me, so now I'm soft.
RED: Oh, boo-hoo. You don't know the first thing about tough. My old man was tough. When I was your age, he shipped me off to the navy. He sure as hell wasn't settin' me up with cute cashiers. Which I'm sorry I did. Because now I've got this creepy little girl giving me google eyes all day stickin' heart-shaped notes in my locker. And on top of it all I had to have a talk with your mother about infidelity. THAT WAS UNPLEASANT! So you just be grateful that your dad... doesn't yell at you 24 hours a day! AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK, BECAUSE THIS ISN'T YELLING! WHEN I YELL, YOU'LL KNOW IT! (he leaves)
ERIC: Well, thanks. Good talk.
Kelso is going through Jackie's beautycase
KELSO: Man, look at all this stuff. I just realized how happy I am not to be a girl.
ERIC: Well, that should have happened at a much younger age.
Hyde wakes up, his face all painted
HYDE: How long was I out?
DONNA: Long enough.
HYDE: You guys wanna get a burger?
ERIC: Out in public? Okay, I'll drive.
KELSO: I'll buy.