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Ce script VO a été migré dans le guide de l'épisode.

FORMAN KITCHEN

Kitty is in he kitchen. Red and Eric walk in


KITTY: Good morning. I have terrible news.

RED: Are we out of bacon?

KITTY: No. I was outside, and…

RED (to Eric): Remember that time we were out of bacon?

ERIC: Do I? Nearly tore this family apart.

KITTY: Listen to me! Midge left Bob.

ERIC: Are you sure? I mean, maybe she's just lost in the backyard (Eric and Red laugh)

KITTY: This is serious. I was up early, and I saw Midge getting into her car with a suitcase. And I said, ''Where are you going, Midge?'' Because I'm concerned, not nosy. And she said to me ''I am leaving Bob, and I am never coming back.'' And I said, ''Okay.'' And then I- I- I laughed like I do when I'm uncomfortable. Ahahahaha!

ERIC: But... what about Donna? I mean, what are they gonna do?

KITTY: Well, okay. They are going to depend on the kindness of their friends and neighbors which is why we need to go over there as a family to comfort them.

ERIC: Yikes. No.

RED: I don't think so.

KITTY: Why not?

ERIC: Well, it just seems like it'd be… like there'd be an awful lot of…

RED: Crying. 

ERIC: Yeah.

RED: So, no.

ERIC: Yeah, no.

KITTY: Well, fine. Then I will go myself (she packs up the tray of food)

RED: Hey! Where are you going with my food?

KITTY: To Bob and Donna. When your wife or mother leaves you, you need a good breakfast.

RED: I need a good breakfast.

KITTY: Well I didn't leave you. Eat a Pop-Tart.


PINCIOTTI KITCHEN


Bob is in his bathrobe. He and Donna are sitting at the table. Kitty is handing out breakfast


BOB: When I woke up, her bag was packed and she left. Didn't even say where she was going.

KITTY: On the other hand... we have pancakes with egg eyes and bacon smiley faces! Ahahahaha!

DONNA: The hash-brown hair is nice.

BOB: I can't believe she would just take off without even a hint or a warning.

DONNA: No warning? Dad, she was always saying, ''I'm unhappy, and I'm gonna leave.''

BOB: Honey, that's just what married people say.

DONNA: Did she say where she was going?

KITTY: Well, she said she was going to California to… to be a star on Broadway. So...

BOB: Oh, Midgie. She may not have been smart but she sure was sweet. And built too, boy.

DONNA: Okay. Thanks, Mrs. Forman, but I'm really not hungry (she leaves)

BOB (looking out the window): Oh, what a nightmare.

KITTY: She was unhappy, Bob.

BOB: No, she took the Eldorado!


He starts to cry and hugs Kitty


OPENING CREDITS

FORMAN BASEMENT


Hyde, Fez and Eric are in the basement


KELSO: So Midge just took off?

FEZ: Ah, poor Donna.

ERIC: Yeah, this is really bad.

HYDE: Yeah, not only did Donna lose her mom we all lost Midge's sweet, uptown rack.

FEZ: Oh, good God, man, what a marvelous set of kittens. Remember that sweater?

KELSO: Oh. Remember the other sweater?

ERIC: Yeah. Remember that time she ran up to us in a sweater?

HYDE: Remember the week she took up jump rope? In a sweater?


They all see Midge's boobs (in different sweaters...) and she's running and jumping. They don't notice Kitty coming in


KITTY: Eric! What are you boys thinking about so hard?

ERIC: Nothing.

HYDE: Homework.

KESLO: Jesus.

FEZ: Kittens.

KITTY: Okay um, Eric, I need you to take a casserole to the Pinciottis. So run upstairs and put on a nice, clean shirt and a sport coat.

ERIC: What? No, I'm not going over there. Donna and I broke up, and things are weird with us.

KITTY: Well, that's too bad. Because I went over there, and Bob's a crier and a hugger. And when you get caught in a crying-Bob hug, there is no escape. AND I

CANNOT GO BACK OVER THERE!


FEZ: I don't know. I like to be hugged by Bob. He makes me feel safe.


FORMAN DRIVEWAY


Red and Kitty are on their porch. They see Bob throwing out some trash


KITTY: Okay, okay, there he is. Go talk to him.

RED: No, Kitty. It's a personal matter, and I.. (she closes the kitchen door on him) Oh! That's mature.

BOB: Oh, hey there, Red!

RED: Hi, Bob.

BOB: What a day, huh? What a day to be alive. I feel great.

RED: You do? Well, then... I can go back inside. Bye (he can't open the door)

BOB: Yup, Midgie's been on me for weeks to weed the garden. I'm finally gettin' around to it, so when she comes back, she's gonna see that I did it.

RED: You think she's coming back?

BOB: Well, why shouldn't she? I did all the right things. We had an open marriage, experimented with drugs. I even threw nudist parties.

RED: Yeah, what more could a husband do? (he keeps knocking the kitchen door)


FORMAN BASEMENT


Fez and Kelso are on the dryer. Hyde is sitting on the back of his chair


KELSO: All right. Let's not get bummed out, guys, okay? There are a lot of other hot older women out there besides Midge. And they deserve our respect, 'cause they can teach us stuff.

FEZ: Yes, I would love to make love to an 80-year-old. They must know everything. And not just about sex but history and trivia too.

HYDE: Yeah. The young ones are too timid, but the older ones… They know it won't break.

FEZ: How could it break? It is invincible.

KELSO: Yeah, and plus, they're, like, grateful you know, so they'll do it with, like, almost anybody.

FEZ: Anybody? Well, that's me! Let's find Fez a dirty housewife to love.

KELSO: Yeah, man, I'm in. Hyde?

HYDE: I don't know, guys. I was gonna go watch Donahue. What do you think the chances are of Fez gettin' burned?

KELSO: Pretty good.

FEZ: Damn good.

HYDE: Then I am in.


PINCIOTTI KITCHEN


Donna is sitting at the kitchen table. Eric comes in


ERIC: Hey.

DONNA: Hey.

ERIC: So hey, look, I'm really sorry about your mom. And, uh, I mean, are you okay?

DONNA: I don't know. It's weird.

ERIC: Yeah, well, you know, it won't make you feel any better... but for some reason I brought you a casserole. I mean, why is it that every time something bad happens, grown-ups always think you need food? You lost your job? Congratulations, you get a bucket of chicken! I mean, the last thing you want is to… (Donna is stuffing her face)

DONNA: Are these crushed potato chips?

ERIC: Look… Donna, look. I know we broke up but I still, you know… I still care about you.


She throws the food away and kisses him. Then she starts to undress him


ERIC: Okay. Okay. So.. (he pushed everything off the table)

DONNA: Eric, in the bedroom.

ERIC: Oh, yeah, I knew that (she drags him with her) I'll just...I'm gonna...


FORMAN DRIVEWAY


Kelso and Hyde are standing by Kelso's van. Fez walks up


HYDE: Is that a tennis getup?

KELSO: Yup.

HYDE: Yeah, I'm out (he leaves)

FEZ: What's his problem? This is the perfect outfit for picking up older ladies.

KELSO: Uh-huh. How's that?

FEZ: Well, everyone knows that horny older ladies hang out at tennis clubs.

KELSO: Yeah, well, see, Fez Point Place doesn't have a tennis club, or even a tennis court. We do have that concrete wall behind the gym but people mostly use that just for smoking weed and beating up freshmen.

FEZ: And foreign exchange students.

KELSO: You were new, okay? No. You know where we gotta go to get the ladies is the grocery store.

FEZ: Oh, the Piggly Wiggly? I love the Piggly Wiggly. They have candy.

KELSO: Yeah. And older ladies.

FEZ: And candy.

KELSO: Yeah, but the important thing is the older ladies!

FEZ: And candy.

KELSO: All right, Fez. What do you want, the older ladies or the candy?

FEZ: Fine, you win. The older ladies.

KELSO: Thank you.

FEZ: And candy.


DONNA’s ROOM


Eric and Donna are in bed


ERIC: It was the sport coat, right? (Donna kisses him) Again?

DONNA: Yes, please.

ERIC: So, you don't want to cuddle? That's cool.


FORMAN LIVING ROOM


Hyde and Red are sitting down. Kitty is standing near the couch


KITTY: Bob thinks Midge is coming back? That is the saddest thing I ever heard.

RED: Oh, come on, Kitty. Let him think it. Who does it hurt?

KITTY: It hurts Bob.

RED: Well, who else does it hurt?

HYDE: Hehehehe.

KITTY: Steven. Red, Bob has to grieve so the healing can begin.

RED: But, Kitty, then he'll grieve all over me.

HYDE: Hey, remember that time Bob ate a bad taco and grieved all inside your car?

RED: Thank you. Case closed! (he leaves)

KITTY: Why would you bring that up?

HYDE: Well sorry, Mrs. Forman. It's just that it was gross, so I think about it a lot.

ERIC (coming in): Hi, kids. Good to see you. Good to see you. Someone is looking lovely today, Mom.

HYDE: What's with you, man?

ERIC: I guess a little thing like getting back together with your old gal puts a spring in a man's step.

KITTY: You and Donna are back together? That is wonderful! So, did you talk things through?

ERIC: No.

KITTY: Then how do you know you're back together?

ERIC (thinks about this): Yeah we talked things through...

HYDE: Talked or grunted?

ERIC: Stifle.

KITTY: Okay, well, good (she walks past Eric)

HYDE: I'm gonna need details.

ERIC: Oh, there will be details aplenty in my steamy letter to Penthouse (he laughs) Okay, my mom's still behind me, isn't she?


He turns around, Kitty is standing near the kitchen door


SPLIT SCREEN


Hyde and Eric in the basement, Jackie and Donna in Donna's bedroom


JACKIE & HYDE: So, you guys did it?

DONNA: Twice.

ERIC: Five times!

HYDE: Nice.

JACKIE: Yech!

JACKIE & HYDE: And you're back together?

ERIC: Oh, yeah.

DONNA: God, no.

ERIC: It was like... magic.

DONNA: Oh, I feel sick.

ERIC: Yup, we're back together. And, Hyde, more than this, much more than this… (sings) I did it myyyyy wayyy....

DONNA: I'm sure he's forgotten all about it.

ERIC (standing up and singing): And there were times, I'm sure you knew when I bit off, much much more then I could chew (Hyde leaves) but through it all, when there was doubt....


GROCERY STORE


Kelso and Fez are "grocery-shopping"


KELSO: Man, back when I was cheating on Jackie I used to meet a ton of older ladies here.

WOMAN: Hello, Michael.

KELSO: Hey, Joyce.

FEZ: That's Coach Ferguson's wife!

KELSO: Yeah. She's lonely, and she drinks.

FEZ: Oh, you're a Piggly Wiggly God.

KELSO: Yeah.

FEZ (spotting someone bending over the freezer): Ooh la la! Oh, me like.

KELSO: Well, make your move, man.


Fez walks up, but is hesitant, so Kelso grabs the woman by her butt. Shejumps up and turns around, and it's....Kitty


KITTY: Ah!

FEZ: Ay, no.


FORMAN LIVING ROOM


Red is sitting on the couch, Bob is standing


BOB: After I painted Midge's bathroom pink sprinkled a little lavender water in her toilet like she likes. I went out and got these chocolates. I hope she likes 'em. I guess we'll find out when she comes back, huh?

RED: Bob, she… I… Aw, Bob, you poor, dumb son of a bitch.

BOB: That's mean.

RED: Bob, she's not comin' back.

BOB: Yes, she is.

RED: No, she's not.

BOB: Yes, she is.

RED: No, she's not.

BOB: Yes, she is.

RED: No, she's not!

BOB: Yes, she is!

RED: Fine! These chocolates are for Midge, Bob? They're for Midge? Fine! Let's give 'em to Midge! Here you go, Midge! (he throws them in the trash)

BOB: You're throwing away Midgie's chocolates.

RED: And why would I do that, Bob?

BOB: 'Cause you're mean!

RED: And why else?

BOB: She's not coming back, is she? I knew that.

RED: Listen, you wanna go get a beer?

BOB: Yeah. Yeah. You're a good friend. I might cry.

RED: And I might hit you.


FORMAN KITCHEN


Fez, Kelso and Kitty are in the kitchen


KITTY: Michael, how could you bring poor, sweet Fez to the Piggly Wiggly? There are a lot of footloose women in that store. Do you know Joyce Ferguson?

KELSO: Who? No! That's a lie!

KITTY: What?

KELSO: What?

KITTY: What?

KELSO: What?

KITTY: And you! Grabbing strange rear ends is no way to meet a nice girl. It's rude, ungentlemanly behavior that will not be appreciated by a woman of class (she walks off, then turns around when she reaches the door) And thank you for the compliment. It made my day! (she leaves)

FEZ: You know what I just noticed? Mrs. Forman is hot.

KELSO: Yeah, she's a cutie. And firm. You know, maybe we should get her a sweater for Christmas.


SPLIT SCREEN


Jackie is with Eric in the basement. Hyde sits with Donna in her bedroom


JACKIE: She actually doesn't want to be with you at all. Isn't that hilarious?

HYDE: Yeah, he thinks you're back together. It's really sad.

DONNA & ERIC: Hold on. What?

JACKIE: Look, she said she would've done it with anybody.

ERIC: No, no. Donna wouldn't say that.

DONNA: I mean, it was like I would have done it with anybody.

HYDE: Anybody? Damn, and I was just over there watching stupid Donahue. Hey, let's do it right now.

DONNA: Eric's gonna be so mad.

JACKIE:  Are you mad?

ERIC: So mad.

HYDE: Yeah, I'm just kidding about the ''do it'' stuff. I'm sorry about your mom.

DONNA: Thanks.

ERIC: You know what? That's it. She can't use me like this. I'm goin' over there to yell at her right now! With yelling!

HYDE: Seriously, let's do it right now.


PINCIOTTI KITCHEN


Donna is sorting out clothes. Eric barges in


ERIC: Okay, listen. You need to tell me what the hell you think you're doing!

DONNA: What am I doing? Well, my mom left us so I'm boxing up her clothes, because I can't look at them anymore. I'm sorry for needing you, but I did. So if you have something to say to me, just say it.

ERIC: Okay, thank you! I did have something to say, and it was good! But that was before you said your mom stuff and your sad clothes stuff and now my s-sex stuff sounds... sucky.

DONNA: Look, I'm sorry if you thought that we…

ERIC: No. No, I'm sorry. Let's just… What… (clears throat) What, do you need some help or something?

DONNA: Yeah, thanks.

ERIC: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is mine (he grabs a pink sweater) Midge borrowed it, and she never gave it back. I bet my bra's here too.


END CREDITS

A BAR


Red and Bob are having a beer


BOB (crying): I miss my li'l Midgers.

RED: Bob, you know the rules. You cry, you buy.

BOB (to the bartender): Three pitchers, please.

Bob cries some more. Red looks to the right

JOYCE FERGUSON: Hi.


Bob cries some more.


THE END.

Ecrit par orelye 
Bannière de l'animation HypnoAwards 2017

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