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522 : Script VO

Ce script VO a été migré dans le guide de l'épisode.

Holiday Hotel Bar


[Eric, Fez, Hyde, Kelso]


Eric: Ah the annual nurse’s convention. You know, according to my bathroom reading, all nurses are actually horny for high school boys.

Hyde: Why do you think those hospital gowns have no backs ? So the nurses can check out your ass.

Kelso: Look at this sexy stampede. It’s like Wild Kingdom.

Fez: I will stalk their sexy herd like a lion. I cannot run as fast, but let’s see a lion put on this much cologne.


[Red and Kitty enter]


Kitty: Oh look Red. All of my colleagues gathered together to talk about health and medicine.

Red: And to drink until their livers turn into cocktail onions.

Kitty: Red, it is not that bad.

Red: Yeah ? What about last year when you and your buddies took the bellboy’s pants?

Kitty: Well they were all wet.

Red: Because you threw him in the pool.


[Roy enters]


Fez: Oh hey Roy.

Roy: Hey guys. Oh, stay away from this batch of egg rolls. They were on the floor.

Eric: Oh, you dropped ‘em ?

Roy: No, I was lyin’ down.

Fez: You know, if I were God, this is what heaven would be like; Pretty girls in white and free egg rolls.

Eric: Fez, I thought you said heaven would be French maids with licorice hair and gum drop nipples.

Fez: Oh no, that’s my thirtieth birthday.


[Hot Nurse walks up to Hyde with Roy nearby]


Hot Nurse: Hi there. So do you work here?

Hyde: Yeah, I’m stuck here all night.

Hot Nurse: That’s good, ‘cause I’ll probably be doin’ some things I’ll regret later. If you’re interested.

Hyde: Thanks for the offer, but … I have a girlfriend.

Hot Nurse: What a coincidence. I have a room.


[Hyde walks away as Roy butts in]


Roy: You know, I don’t have a girlfriend, but I have written several love letters to Barbara Walters so uhh …


[Hot Nurse walks away, Kelso and Fez walk up]


Kelso: Roy, you’re goin’ after the wrong ones man. You gotta think like a lion and pick off the weakest member of the herd. Well, like that one with the braces and the desperate eyes.

Fez: Oh, she’s not makin’ it past sundown. Rowr !


[Fez head off in pursuit]


The Forman Basement


[Fez napping as Eric and Kelso enter]


Eric: Aww, look at him. All tuckered out from a day of chasin’ nurses.

Kelso: Yeah, it’s like a gigantic horny baby.

Eric: I bet he’s havin’ sweet dreams.


[Fez dreams he’s in a hospital]


Hot Nurse: Welcome to the clinic for sexy foreigners. Tell me where it hurts baby.

Fez: Oh, I have a bad case of horniness for nurses.

Hot Nurse: What you need is a sexy sponge bath.

Fez: I like the way you … operate.

Hot Nurse: How’s that?

Fez: It’s not bad.

Hot Nurse: But I sure am.

Fez: Yes you are, naughty nurse. Maybe you need a little spanking.


[Kelso replaces nurse in Fez’s dream]


Kelso: Maybe I do. Now why don’t you turn your head and cough ?

Fez: Ahhhh!

Kelso: Oh, what’s the problem buddy ?

Fez: Ahhhh !


[Fez wakes up]


Kelso: What’s the problem buddy ?

Fez: Ahhhh !


[Fez runs out]


The Pinciotti Living Room


[Bob, Joanne, Eric and Donna]


Bob: So anyways Eric, me and Joanne feel real bad since Red fired you, so we decided to get you a job; On account we’re pretty sure you’re not gonna be successful on your own.

Donna: Isn’t that great? See, now you can save up for school and we can get married.

Eric: Wow, I … had heard crazy rumors that sometimes parents helped children but, I just always thought it was just some beautiful fairy tale.

Joanne: A position opened up at my company and it’s yours if you want it.

Eric: Oh my God! I’ll take it! This is great!

Bob: Yup, she’s as generous in real life as she is in the sack.

Donna: Gaaa!

Eric: Wow that’s … wildly inappropriate. So … Joanne, about my new job, I don’t even know where you work.

Joanne: The dog food factory.

Eric: The … the dog food factory! I didn’t see that comin’.


The Forman Basement


[Hyde as Jackie comes in and kisses him]


Jackie: Hey !

Hyde: Hey.

Jackie: How was your day ?

Hyde: Oh, it was brutal. How can nurses wolf down mini-pizzas right after watching a film strip on butt rashes ?

Jackie: Yeah, no I know. Michael and I were hanging out at The Hub and he told me it’s been tough.

Hyde: What ? No no no. You don’t need to be hangin’ out with Kelso alone.

Jackie: Why not ?

Hyde: Because I don’t trust him.

Jackie: Yeah, but don’t you trust me ?

Hyde: No ! Haven’t you been paying attention? I don’t trust anything. I don’t trust the government. I don’t trust the newspapers. I not even sure that what time we think it is right now is really what time it is. But most of all, I don’t trust you and Kelso alone together.

Jackie: Alright. You know I guess I deserve that. So I promise I won’t be alone with Michael anymore. However, I do think you’re making a big deal out of nothing.

Hyde: That’s what you said after you yelled get off my boyfriend when you saw Kelso kissing Annette.

Jackie: Okay, whattoo I have to do to get you to stop bringin’ that up ?


[Hyde raises eyebrows suggestively]


Jackie: I’m not doing that.

Hyde: I’m gonna keep bringing it up.


The Forman Driveway


[Fez, Eric and Donna as Kelso arrives and slaps Fez on the butt]


Kelso: Alright. Let’s play some ball.

Fez: Why would you slap me on the butt ? Is there something about me that would make you think that I, a boy, would like you, another boy, to put his hand on my butt ?

Kelso: Ahh … no ?

Fez: Then keep your hands to yourself butt slapper.

Eric: Okay, let’s … just play some ball.

Donna: Yeah.

Kelso: Alright, ah, me and Fez are shirts. You and Donna be skins ?

Donna: Once again Kelso, you’re not gonna fool me into bein’ skins.

Kelso: Loosen up Big D. Fine, we’ll be skins !


[Kelso removes his shirt and Fez stares at him uncomfortably]


Fez: Oh, look at Mr. Handsome taking his shirt off. As if that were something I would dream about.

Kelso: Okay, what is your problem man ?

Fez: It’s just … Okay … Umm … Has anyone ever had a dream where you were with a girl ?

Eric: Oh hell yeah, Miss October.

Donna: Hey !

Eric: And you know what I said to her ? I said … get the hell out of my dream Miss October; I’m Donna’s man.

Fez: Now, has any of you ever had a dream where you were with the opposite of a girl ?

Kelso: Right, two girls ? Sure.

Fez: Well see, I had a dream. And it was erotic. And … it was about Kelso.


[Kelso covers himself and moves away from Fez]


Donna: What !

Eric: Wow! Wow !

Donna: That is awesome! Fez, you gotta tell us about this dream.

Kelso: Wha ? No you don’t gotta ! Look at him ! He’s undressin’ me with his eyes right now !

Fez: You undressed yourself you son of a bitch !

Eric: Fez, tell us what happened. And, and don’t be afraid to use colorful words like sweaty … or fondle or forbidden. Go on.

Fez: Well … Kelso was a nurse. And there was … sponging.

Kelso: Ohhh !

Fez: Hey, maybe, maybe the dream continued and we went to find some girls ?

Kelso: Well did it continue ?

Fez: No ! What could this mean ?

Kelso: Well isn’t it obvious ? It means that I’m gay !


The Forman Kitchen


[Kitty and Schotzie as Red walks up]


Red: Why is the dog on the counter ?

Kitty: He likes to be tall.


[Eric comes in from the living room]


Kitty: Where you off to honey ?

Eric: Oh I’m off to a little thing I like to call my new job. That’s right, despite both your best efforts to keep me and Donna from getting married, I can now afford to because I got a new job … at the dog food factory.

Red: Dog food ?! Well you finally made it son.

Eric: Hey, I’ll have you know, I am the coupon liaison.

Red: Do you even know what you’re getting yourself into? When I pass that factory on my way home from fishing, I hold the dead fish up to my face so I don’t have to smell it.

Kitty: Seriously, honey, dog food ?


[Kitty covers Shotzie’s ears]


Kitty: That is the worst part of the cow.

Red: You won’t last the day.

Eric: I will last the day. And you know what ? Donna and I are getting married. And I’m sorry, but just because of your attitude, no one here will be getting the employee family discount on Pupper Supper. Thank you very much.


[Eric exits]

 

The Pinciotti Living Room


[Jackie as Kelso rushes in]


Kelso: Jacki ! I need to talk to you !

Jackie: No. No, no, you have to go. I cannot hang out with you any more. I promised.

Kelso: No. Jackie, I need to talk to you. Somethin’ happened that could tear apart the group.

Jackie: I don’t care. Okay, you have to go right now.

Kelso: Jackie, Fez had a sex dream about me.

Jackie: You poor baby.


[They sit together on the couch]


Kelso: What if he’s in love with me ? I don’t know that I can return those feelings.

Jackie: No, of course you can’t.

Kelso: Sure he’s super cool. And, he’s good looking. And we have a ton in common. But I can’t …

Jackie: I know. I know baby, I know.

Kelso: I just wonder what I did to make this happen. I mean, should I have tried to be less desirable ?

Jackie: Michael, the beautiful cannot be held responsible for the havoc our looks create.

Kelso: That’s true.


[Jackie lets Kelso put his head on her shoulder to comfort him]


Kelso: No one understands me like you do Jackie.


[Hyde stands in doorway and sees Jackie with Kelso without them knowing, then leaves]


Holiday Hotel Kitchen


[Hyde with Roy]


Hyde: I told Jackie I don’t want her hangin’ out with Kelso! I walk in, they’re playin’ couch Twister! And I don’t know if somethin’ just happened or somethin’ was about to happen, but you know what? I don’t care anymore!

Roy: Have you talked to her ?

Hyde: No ! C’mon man, I’m done talkin’ ! I’m just glad I saw them. Now I can be the bigger person and bail before she does.

Roy: Yeah, that’s what I shoulda done with Lauren. And Susan. And Janice. Ahh, who am I kiddin’ ? I’m just makin’ these names up.


[Kelso enters]


Kelso: Hey Roy. I just need to grab my check.

Hyde: Hey Kelso ! What the hell were you doin’ with my girlfriend on Donna’s couch ?

Kelso: Oh that wasn’t me.

Hyde: I saw you !

Kelso: Oh. Ah ... Ah … Well … Okay, it wasn’t what you think. Umm … it was totally different. See … Fez had this … sex dream about me. And … I was like a nurse in it … And I was totally freakin’ out and Jackie was just comforting me. I mean ‘cause, you know, Fez had a sex dream about me !

Hyde: So your story is that you were with Jackie because Fez had a boy on boy dream about you ?

Kelso: It’s crazy, huh ?

Hyde: Kelso, that is the worst lie you’ve told since you claimed to be the Prince of South Carolina.

Kelso: No, I’m not lyin’ about Fez’s dream! Wha … I was sponging him ! It’s the truth !

Roy: Hey, I believe people have dreams about you man. I mean, put a blonde wig on you, you’re Goldie Hawn.


[Kelso is confused]


Kelso: I know that.


The Forman Kitchen


[Fez as Red enters]


Fez: Oh, Mr. Red. I need some advice. I had an erotic dream about Kelso.


[Red walks out without a word]


The Dog Food Factory


[Joanne, Donna and Eric]


Eric: Well Joanne. Thank you for the factory tour. So where is the coupon liaison office ?

Joanne: You’re standing in it.

Donna: Well it’s … big. And … look, you have a window. Maybe someday you can climb up there and look out.

Eric: Joanne, what exactly is the coupon liaison


[Scene of Eric mindlessly dropping coupons into bags of dog food]


Holiday Hotel Bar


[Kitty with her nurse colleagues as Fez and Kelso come up]


Kitty: Oh ! Oh look girls, there’s the boys ! Hands off though, they’re minors.

Fez: Mrs. Kitty … we need your medical expertise.

Kitty: Honey if you’ve got VD, I’m not looking at it.

Kelso: No. Fez had a dream, and … I was doin’ stuff to him in it. And I don’t wanna do it again! I’m scared to let him go to sleep !

Fez: See, Kelso was a nurse … And I had no shirt … And he had a sponge … A soft one.

Kitty: Okay, boys … Dreams are, are just compilations of what you experience during the day. What’d you do yesterday ?

Fez: Kelso and I looked at nurses. Umm, oh, and I ate thirty-nine spicy egg rolls that were on the floor.

Kitty: Well, spicy foods; there you go. You know one time, I ate stuffed peppers before I went to bed and I dreamt that I ended a war by giving the prime minister a belly dance.

Fez: So my dream didn’t mean anything !

Kelso: Oh thank God! I mean I love you Fez, just not in that way.

Fez: And my appreciation for you beauty is purely aesthetic.

Kelso: You know what Fez? Maybe right now is not a great time for you to be complimentin’ my ass.


The Forman Living Room


[Red and Shotzie as Eric and Donna enter]


Red: Well, if it isn’t the conquering hero home from a big day of dog food.

Eric: Hey. I had a great day, okay. And by the way, I’m nowhere near the actual food. I’m off with like … the executives.

Red: Really ? Well, Shotzie sure does love the smell of executives.

Donna: Okay look. Okay, maybe Eric is working with dog food. But he’s not complaining. And he’s not quitting, and we’re gonna get married no matter what your think; or how he smells.

Eric: Oh, thanks honey.

Donna: Don’t touch me.

Red: Look at you. You got that great dog food job now. And plenty of dog food money comin’ in. I mean … you two are happy, right ?

Donna: Very happy.

Eric: Yes.

Red: Of course you are. And that’s why I’ve changed my mind. This promising new career in dog food has convinced me … that you two are mature enough to get married.

Eric: Wha … Are, are you serious ?

Red: Absolutely ! Hey ! Let’s get you happy kids hitched as soon as possible! Like next week !

Donna: Next week ? Wow that’s, that’s really soon.

Eric: Yeah, well sooner than we thought. We were thinkin’ like … someday.

Donna: Yeah, yeah someday. That’s good.

Eric: Yeah.

Red: Well, what’s the matter ? I mean, uh, getting’ engaged is a silly fun thing to do, but now that we’re talkin’ about an actual wedding you’re turnin’ into a couple of dumbass kids who aren’t ready ? ‘Cause I mean if you’re not ready, I mean heck I got myself all excited for nothin’.

Eric: No, no. We’re ready! We are more than ready !

Donna: We’re ready ?

Eric: Yeah, I mean … well, I am if you are.

Donna: Huh, yeah, sure, completely ready.

Red: Well that’s great. You know it’s all settled. I’ll just, I’ll go call the cake shop right now.


[Red exits]


Eric: So … it’s a … a wedding.

Donna: Next week.

Eric: Huh. Oh, I have some homework …

Donna: Yeah, I gotta clean my room …


[Eric and Donna exit in opposite directions]


Holiday Hotel Kitchen


[Roy as Jackie comes in]


Jackie: Hey Roy, where’s Steven ? You know I haven’t seen him all day.

Roy: You got a lot a nerve showin’ your face around here. Hyde saw you and Kelso snuggled up on the couch. Tramp.

Jackie: Wait, what ?

Roy: Yeah, I said tramp.

Jackie: My God. I have to find Steven.


[Jackie runs out]


Roy: Don’t tell him I called you a tramp.


Holiday Hotel Bar


[Kitty and Steven]


Hyde: I bet Jackie’s been foolin’ around with Kelso this whole time. I feel like an idiot.

Kitty: Oh my poor little broody brood! You know, when I first met you, you were such a cute little guy. And now you’re, you’re a great big guy, with great big hair and, and great big problems, my little broody brood.


[Hyde gets up to leave]


Kitty: Oh wait, wait, wait.


[Kitty puts a little paper umbrella in Hyde’s hair]


Kitty: There. Hahahaha. You may leave me now.


[Hyde walks away and runs into the Hot Nurse]


Hot Nurse: Hey there. Still have that girlfriend ?

Hyde: You know what ? I don’t know.

Hot Nurse: Hmm. Let’s go talk about it.


[The Hot Nurse leads Hyde out as Jackie rushes up to Kitty at the bar]


Jackie: Oh hey, Mrs. Forman, have you seen Steven ?

Kitty: Oh honey, I’ve had a couple of sips of wine and I don’t remember. Oh, but you know what you need ? You need more umbrellas in your hair. Oh bartender, we’re gonna need more umbrellas !


A Hospital Room


[Kelso and Hot Nurse]


Hot Nurse: Welcome to the clinic for sexy Kelsos. What can I do for you ?

Kelso: Well, I’m here for my super sexy sponge bath. But I have money, so if you do other stuff too …


[Kelso replaces the Hot Nurse]


Kelso: Oh I’ll do anything you want. You’re one good lookin’ stud.

Kelso: Right back at ya handsome.


[Kelso starts sponging Kelso]

[Kelso is actually asleep on the couch in Eric Forman’s basement]

 

End Episode.

Ecrit par haley1990 
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