Ce script VO a été migré dans le guide de l'épisode.
Kitty is cooking. Hyde is sitting at the table, Kelso is sitting at the counter. Red and Eric walk in
KITTY: Well, here are my boys! How was work?
ERIC: Oh, you know,just another day of restocking upper Point Place with durable household goods. Sleep soundly, Wisconsin.
RED: I got some big news from the Price Mart home office.
HYDE: They finally gonna let you physically discipline the workers?
RED: No, but I still have a free hand at home.
RED: Headquarters is having every manager make a departmental training film. And they picked me for the stockroom.
KITTY: Stockroom. Wow!
RED: Yeah! Steve from Oshkosh got ice and snow management. (chuckles) Loser.
KITTY: Well, Red, that is wonderful.
RED: Yeah, I know. Every single Price Mart stock boy will be trained in the Red Forman way.
ERIC: Oh, you mean, undermining their self-esteem until they're too weak to fight back?
RED: If you would just zip it for a second you might be interested in hearing who I want to play the stock boy.
ERIC: Look, Dad, I appreciate the thought…
RED: I'm gonna use this idiot! (he slaps Kelso on the back)
KELSO: All right!
KELSO: Man, I guess my movie career is getting started sooner than I thought!
ERIC: Kelso's playing the stock boy?
HYDE: This is my favorite thing ever.
KITTY: Well, Michael does have marvelous bone structure. Ahahahaha! Oh, but you will too, honey, once you fill out.
KELSO: Oh, man! Mom burn!
HYDE: Yep. That's twice the normal burn.
ERIC: Dad, how can you choose Kelso to play the Price Mart stock boy?
RED: You have a better suggestion?
ERIC: Hello! I am a Price Mart stock boy. I just came from stocking. At Price Mart. And I am currently wearing a Price Mart stock boy smock.
RED: Good point, Eric. Give your smock to Kelso.
KELSO: Oh, I don't think my broad, photogenic shoulders are gonna fit in that little thing.
RED: Now, don't take this personal, son. You're just too... twitchy and skinny.
ERIC: Well you know, the camera adds 10 pounds.
RED: Yeah, 10. Not 40.
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Eric and Kitty walk into the living rom
ERIC: How could he pick Kelso to play the stock boy? I'm the one with the acting experience. Remember? I was Mushroom Number Two in Alice in Wonderland.
KITTY: But you were Mushroom Number One in my heart.
DONNA (coming in): Hey.
ERIC: Oh, hey. What's up?
DONNA: We're going to lunch.
ERIC: We're going to lunch?
KITTY: Well actually, honey, we're going to lunch.
ERIC: You and I are going to lunch?
KITTY: Well, no.
ERIC: You and Donna and I are going to lunch?
KITTY: Well almost, honey.
ERIC: You and Donna are going to lunch?
DONNA: Nothing gets past you, Einstein.
ERIC: I don't think I like the idea of you two going out to lunch together.
KITTY: Well, what if we bring you back a sandwich?
ERIC: Well, a sandwich isn't gonna make me feel better, Mom.
KITTY: Okay, then. We're leaving.
ERIC: Well, in that case, I would like a sandwich. Yeah, I don't like this day.
Hyde and Fez are in the basement, Leo walks in
LEO: Hey, dudes.
HYDE: Hey, Leo man, Huggy Bear called. He wants his suit back.
LEO: Huggy Bear? This is my suit, man.
FEZ: So, to what do we owe the fancy pants?
LEO: Great news, man! I inherited a million bucks from my dead uncle!
HYDE: Shut up.
FEZ: No way.
LEO: It's true! So, come on! Let's share the wealth! Come on. I'll buy you anything you want.
HYDE: Does that include burgers and nudie mags?
LEO: Include? That's half the budget, man.
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Eric is sitting on the couch. Jackie comes in
JACKIE: Eric, have you seen Donna? She was supposed to help me sort out my daytime cosmetics from my nighttime cosmetics but she never showed up.
ERIC: Oh, you haven't heard? Donna's got a new friend and I, for one, think it's time you met her.
Donna and Kitty are cooking together. Jackie and Eric walk in
JACKIE: Donna! What are you doing?
KITTY: We invented a new cookie. It's a variation of the snickerdoodle. We're calling it the ''DonnaKitty.'' Or the ''Ditty.'' Ahahaha! We haven't decided.
JACKIE: Donna, you're supposed to be sorting... as in, my cosmetics.
DONNA: Oh, yeah. I'm real sorry I missed that.
ERIC: It started as an annoying, but innocent lunch. And now they're inventing cookies. It's growing, man. It's the freakin' Blob (he leaves)
JACKIE: Donna, why do you need a new friend? Haven't I always been there for you?
DONNA: Uh, no.
JACKIE: I hope your cookies burn! (she leaves)
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Jackie walks in
JACKIE: Eric, old people and young people are not supposed to spend time together. It's unnatural.
ERIC: What am I supposed to do about it?
JACKIE: Well, you better do something. You know what girls talk about when they get together?
ERIC: Sugar and spice and everything nice?
JACKIE: That's what we're made of, you dumb-ass. They talk about men and that would be you. Well, barely.
ERIC: You know, you could really use a refill on the ''everything nice.''
FORMAN BASEMENT – THE CIRCLE
Eric, Hyde, Kelso and Jackie are in the circle
ERIC: You know, I wasn't that worried about Donna and my mom talking about me but now that I'm all paranoid I'm all, like paranoid. I mean, when did it become okay for them to be friends?
HYDE: Right after your father replaced you with a semi-literate pretty boy.
KELSO: That's me. So, I've been thinking about great actors to model myself after and I choose Travolta.
HYDE: Kelso... I can think of no better way to impress Red than by acting like Travolta in his industrial film. Bravo, man.
ERIC: That is good advice. Man, I don't want Donna and my mom talking about me.
JACKIE: Yeah, and Donna's a big mouth. Like, she told me how you wore makeup to last year's class picture.
ERIC: What? HA, I did not! I did not. I had a zit. Stop looking at me.
HYDE: Forman, you and I are both victims of parental abandonment. Luckily, I have a rich hippie benefactor. He bought me nudie mags I'd never even heard of.
KELSO (as Travolta): Yeah, I'll stock this shelf! But someday I'm gonna dance across this whole city (his own voice) That's dead-on.
Kitty is sitting at the kitchen table. Jackie and Eric walk ik
JACKIE: Okay, we need to talk. It's about, shall we say, your new crowd.
ERIC: And don't even pretend you and Donna aren't talking about me. I know what's going on here, and it goes a little something like this...
He pictures Kitty and Donna together, Donna has the same hairdo as Kitty
KITTY (with Eric's voice): Oh, honey, you look wonderful.
DONNA (with Eric's voice): Say, can we look at Eric's naked baby pictures again?
KITTY (with Eric's voice): They're right here! My, you could tell even then he'd always be small.
DONNA (with Eric's voice): Yeah, he really is tiny. It's not satisfying.
KITTY (with Eric's voice): Well, how could it be, dear?
DONNA (with Eric's voice): But at least he's nice.
KITTY (with Eric's voice): Yeah, he's nice. For a nancy boy! Hahahahahaha!
Back in the present...
ERIC: So, what do you say to that?
KITTY: Ahahahahahahaha! (she walks off, still laughing)
PRICE MART STOCKROOM
Red and Kelso are in the stockroom, with a camera
RED: All right, Kelso. You'll just go through a few typical stock boy tasks while I firmly, but kindly, oversee you.
KELSO: Got it.
RED: All right. Let's get started.
Kelso takes of his smock and shakes his hips
RED: Kelso what the hell are you doing?
KELSO: Oh see, I'm going for a Travolta thing. Okay, my character's actually a dancer who's just stocking shelves until he makes it big. (Red stares at him) All right. Let me paint a picture for you. Just close your eyes. (Red keep staring) Okay, imagine with your eyes open. Just come with me.
Women are singing a disco tune with words like "Stock, stock, he's a stockboy" while Kelso walks the streets in his smock, carrying some cans. He does a dance move but that doesn't look really smooth
RED: Just stack the cans, moron.
KELSO: But why am I stacking cans? See, I'm thinking that the manager is a bad guy. So why would I stack cans for him?
RED: Because if you don't stack the cans the manager is going to kill you.
KELSO: Oh! So I'm afraid for my life? That works. All right. Let's act!
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Kitty is sitting on the couch. Eric comes down the stares
ERIC: Oh, no. You're all alone. Where's your little buddy, Skipper?
KITTY: Okay, sweetie. My friendship with Donna is making you uncomfortable, so I'm gonna call it off.
ERIC: Well, thank you. Maybe some of your loyalty will rub off on Dad.
KITTY: Oh, don't let that bother you. Michael may have movie-star good looks... but you are much, much smarter than he is.
ERIC: Okay, why couldn't you have said that in front of everyone instead of how great Kelso's bone structure is?
KITTY: I don't want to make anybody feel bad.
ERIC: Well, good job.
LEO: All right, guys. Let's shop!
The guys come in and out of the fitting rooms in different outfits
HYDE: Thanks again, Leo.
FEZ: Yes, thank you. You know what would make this outfit perfect? A cockatoo.
LEO: Then we'll get a cockatoo. Or three!
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Red is reading. Eric and Kelso come in
KELSO: Hey, Red, listen, I've got this great new idea I want to lay on you about our movie.
ERIC: Dad, I've heard this idea and speaking as an unbiased observer with no score to settle it is great. Go!
RED: Kelso, you don't get to have ideas.
ERIC: Dad, if I could just interject. This idea will literally change industrial filmdom forever. Go get 'em, Kelso! Go!
KELSO: Okay. The stock boy has a love interest.
KELSO: Now, before you say no, I've already found the perfect person.
JACKIE (coming in): Oh, stock boy, I love you!
RED: No. Get out.
FORMAN FRONT PORCH
Kitty and Donna are sitting on the porch
KITTY: Okay, um, Eric's uncomfortable because he thinks we talk about him… which we don't. Although that story about him wearing makeup to his class pictures was a hoot. Hahahaha! But I guess what I'm saying is, um we probably shouldn't see each other anymore.
DONNA: But it's been so nice having someone to talk to since my mom left.
KITTY: I know.
DONNA: Someone who understands what I'm going through.
KITTY: Oh, honey.
DONNA: Someone to make banana bread with. I ate that for dinner three nights in a row.
KITTY: Oh, you poor, sweet girl! (they hug)
ERIC (opening the door): What the hell?
The gang is back in the basement. With a cockatoo
LEO: Boy, being a millionaire is great.
HYDE: Well, at least you put the money to good use. Fun Tart?
FEZ: Don't mind if I do. Candy button? I've got a million of them.
HYDE: So Leo, man, tell us about your Uncle Ed. Why'd he leave you all his money?
LEO: Check it out, man. It's all in this letter he sent me.
HYDE: Your Uncle Ed is Ed McMahon?
LEO: Yeah. Who knew I was Scottish?
HYDE: Damn, Leo, you didn't inherit a million dollars. That's a sweepstakes contest.
LEO: Well, then who has my money?
FEZ: There is no money, you son of a bitch!
LEO: Oh. Wow. I guess all this stuff has to go back.
FEZ: Oh, that means you too, Feathery Frank. Good day.
FRANK (sqeaky): But, Fez…
FEZ: I said, good day.
PRICE MART STOCKROOM
Red is looking pretty desperate
KELSO (as John Travolta): I'm leaving Brooklyn, Mister Formanelli. And when I get to Manhattan, I'm gonna be a star! (In his normal voice) So, what do you think?
RED: You're fired (Eric walks in with a box) You.
The camera zooms in on Eric. A black screen appears with white letters reads: Price Mart Industrial Film #274 "THE STOCKBOY"
VOICE OVER: Price Mart is only as strong as its weakest stock boy. Just look at what one well-trained worker can accomplish. Neat, efficient, organized. The Price Mart way. And each job completed with that award-winning Price Mart attitude. Remember,you can't spell stock boy without ''Oh, boy!''
We see Eric stock and price stuff with a smile. He mops the floor while Red supervises him
ERIC: Well, who would have thought a stock boy would do a good job playing a stock boy? Yeah, I mean, it's a topsy-turvy world.
RED: Yeah. You did a good job.
ERIC: Wait a minute. Are you proud of me?
RED: No, no, no, no, no. I didn't say that.
ERIC: So...do we hug now?
RED: Men don't hug.
ERIC: My daddy loves me!
RED: Shut it!
ERIC: I love you too, Daddy!
Eric is sitting at the kitchen table. Donna and Kitty come in, carrying bags
ERIC: Oh well, look who's here. Do a little shopping, ladies?
DONNA: Well, it's not like I can take my Dad shopping. I mean, every time the sales lady brings over some underwear he gets embarrassed and goes ''Whoo-hoo!''
KITTY: So, I suppose you have something snarky to say about that.
ERIC: You know what? I don't.
ERIC: No. Look, your mom can't take you shopping, so you know what it's cool with me if you guys want to hang out.
KITTYL Honey, I am so glad you understand.
DONNA: Yeah, Eric, thanks.
ERIC: Yeah. Yeah, just, look, please no talking about me, okay? And no looking at my naked baby pictures either. They're... misleading.
KITTY: Honey, I've already seen you naked.
KITTY: Oh, and she's already seen you naked! You know what? From now on, that's all we should talk about.
ERIC: Okay. Leaving now.
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Kitty and Donna are on the couch, looking at baby pictures
KITTY: Okay, here he is on the potty. Look how hard he's concentrating. Oh, I have some earlier ones. Look at that baby. Didn't he have the cutest little behind?
DONNA: Yeah! So when did he lose it?
KITTY: Right around when he turned 10. It was the strangest thing. Poof. Like someone ironed him.