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310 : Script VO

Ce script VO a été migré dans le guide de l'épisode.


Kelso is driving, Donna is sitting next to him, Eric's in the back

KELSO: Well [Chuckles] Okay. Now that we're all in the van and you guys can't change your mind, I just want you to know that we're not exactly on the way to my uncle's fabulous cabin in the woods. It's really more of an ice shack.

DONNA: Did you say ice shack?

KELSO: Hmm? Yeah. Oh, and, uh, the hot tub [Chuckles] It's really more of a garbage can. Oh, but it's also the bathroom, so-

DONNA: Kelso, turn this van around!

ERIC: No, Donna, wait. Is there beer?

KELSO: Tons. Hey, and we don't even need a refrigerator... 'cause it's so freakin' cold.

ERIC: Paradise.

KELSO: Yeah. Oh, and, uh, before we pick up Jackie... I just want to make sure everybody knows what this trip is about.

DONNA: The fabulous hot-tub toilet?

KELSO: No. Eric, tell her about my master plan.

ERIC: Oh. Yeah. See, Kelso, when you start a sentence with the words "master plan," I just kind of know it's gonna be stupid, so I just naturally tune out.

KELSO: Okay, well, my master plan is...Eric! Pay attention! This is about a romantic double date. It's you and Donna and me and Jackie.

DONNA: Kelso, you do know you're not actually dating Jackie, right?

KELSO: That's why it's a secret double date. See, I told Jackie that the whole
gang was coming  but then, I didn't invite Hyde, especially not Fez. He's all over

DONNA: Look. I'm not doing this. Turn this van around!

KELSO: No! I need you guys. See, if you're there...You guys are, like, the perfect
couple. And-And if you're there then, I can just copy all the sissy, loser things that Eric does for you.

ERIC: I really do enjoy your sissy, loser things. Yeah, like when I had first dibs on that seat, but I took the hump. It's a small price to pay to keep my lady happy.

KELSO: Exactly. I want to be that dork.

ERIC: Hmm. Kelso, why are you speeding up?

KELSO: I gotta beat this light.


KELSO: I just- I gotta! [Brakes Squeal] Damn it!

The door opens and Fez jumps in, on Donna's lap

FEZ (panting): What are you doing? I've been chasing you for six blocks.

KELSO: I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't see you.

FEZ: Yeah, nice try. I know all about your master plan. Now, drive, you sneaky
son of a bitch.



JACKIE: You brought me to an outhouse?

ERIC: Actually, Jackie...[Bangs On Can] That's the outhouse.

KELSO: No! No, it's an ice shack, for fishing. I...This is gonna be a blast. I me- It is so beautiful out here. Plus, I brought lotion.

DONNA: Ooh, it's kinda cold.

ERIC: Here, take my jacket.

DONNA: I love you.

ERIC: God, we are such the... perfect couple.

JACKIE: I'm cold too.

KELSO: Well, damn, Jackie. I can't control the weather!

FEZ: Here, Jackie, take my coat.

JACKIE: Ohh, thanks, Fez (she walks inside)

ERIC: So, sweetie, what do you want to do?

DONNA: Whatever you want to do, honey.

ERIC: I want to go inside.

DONNA: That's what I want to do too.

ERIC: Oh, my God! Let's go! (they walk inside)

KELSO: Hey, what the hell was that jacket business, man? Uh, you're making me look bad.

FEZ: Look, Kelso, you are my good, good friend but I will stop at nothing to win Jackie and if you're in my way, I will destroy you.


Red and Kitty are having lunch

RED: This is nice, you coming home for lunch.

RED: Yeah.

Laurie comes into the kitchen, still in her dressing gown

KITTY: Good afternoon, sunshine. So, what have you got planned for today?

LAURIE: Same as every day. Lie on the couch, do my nails, avoid talking to you.
It's not going that well, so far (she leaves)

KITTY: Red, that girl does nothing but party all night and sleep all day. She's gonna end up like Aunt Martha. Remember the beer gut on her?

RED: She's not gonna end up like Fat Martha.

KITTY: Poor woman got so large she couldn't play putt-putt.

RED: Geez, don't remind me. That par two was the longest three hours of my life.

KITTY: Red, your daughter is drifting. So what are you gonna do?

RED: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna start eating my lunch at the office.


Hyde is working, Leo comes in

HYDE: Leo, man, glad you're here. I've been really busy.

LEO: Oh, yeah? I guess my "buy one, get one free" flyer is really bringing in the business.

HYDE: That's 'cause you forgot the "buy one" part.

LEO: Oh, no. Well, good thing we're closing early, man 'cause I need you to give me a ride over to my Cousin Larry's.

HYDE: I don't have a car, man.

LEO: You can drive mine, man. I can't drive since my license got suspended.

HYDE: Why? What'd you do?

LEO: Well, I dropped it in some soda, you know? And it just hung there,
suspended. And then when I was looking at it, I ran a red light.


Donna, Eric, Jackie, Kelso and Fez are ice-fishing

ERIC: Boy, ice fishing's fun.

KELSO: I like this place, out here in the middle of a frozen lake. It's cozy, don't you think, Jackie?

JACKIE: If by "cozy," you mean "small and smelly," then, yes!

KELSO: Good one, Jackie. That's funny.

FEZ: Well, she needs a sense of humor with an unfaithful ex-boyfriend who brings her to a dump like this.

KELSO: Ow. Nice.

FEZ: Thank you. I mean, Eric would never take Donna to a place like this.

DONNA: Fez, it wouldn't matter where we were. Just being together makes it fun.

ERIC: Aw. But I would never bring you to a place like this because I know that you don't like such small, smelly places.

DONNA: You know me so well.

ERIC: Eskimo kiss.

FEZ: Too bad Kelso doesn't know anything about Jackie.

KELSO: Whoa. That is not true. I know everything about her. In fact, I'll bet I
know more about Jackie than Eric knows about Donna.

ERIC: Whoa, Kelso. Walk before you run, baby.

JACKIE: You think you know me, Michael? Then prove it.

FEZ: Oh, I have an idea. Let's play The Newlywed Game. Eric and Donna versus
Kelso and Jackie. And I will be the impartial judge who gets Jackie in the end.

KELSO: What?

FEZ: I mean, uh, good...good luck to everyone.


Hyde is driving, Leo is sitting next to him with a big brown bag on his lap

HYDE: Hey, Leo, what's in the bag, man?

LEO: How can I put this? Let's just say in this bag are illegal drugs.

HYDE: What? Come on, man. You know I'm on probation!

LEO: Nah, it's cool, man. All you have to do is just not get pulled over [Sirens Wail] What did I just tell you, man?


The game is about to start

FEZ: Gentlemen, our ladies have already written down the answers to their questions. First up, Eric. Eric, what is Donna's favorite Pizza topping?

ERIC: Pepperoni.

FEZ: Donna?

DONNA: Pepperoni!

ERIC: We're such the perfect couple!

DONNA: I know!

FEZ: Now, Kelso...

KELSO: Mushrooms!

FEZ: No, no, no, no, no. That is not your question. And minus two for interrupting the host.


FEZ: Minus two.

KELSO: Okay, sorry.

FEZ: It's okay. Minus two. Now, Kelso, last summer you "accidentally" bounced
Jackie off a trampoline. When she woke up in the hospital, what were her first words?

KELSO: Oh, uh, you..."Michael, you idiot."

Jackie (gasping): Michael, you remembered!

FEZ: Wow, he remembered. Okay, Eric, according to Donna what is Donna's last name?

ERIC: Pinciotti.

DONNA (shrieking): Oh, my God!

ERIC: Yes!

FEZ: Correct. Now, Kelso, Jackie has distant relatives in the Cook Islands. In the early 1900s, what species of turtle did they save from extinction? Take your time.

KELSO: Ladder-back.

Jackie holds up her card and screams

JACKIE: Michael, you're amazing! (they hug) Oh.

FEZ: No, no, no, no. No hugging!

JACKIE: I'm sorry, all right? I forgot.

FEZ: That's right, and let's try to remember that, little lady.

A little later

FEZ: Well, the score is horribly close.

JACKIE: I'm very impressed, Michael.

KELSO: Yeah, well, I guess you just remember things about those you care about.

FEZ: Oh, please. I'm gonna puke. Let's get this nightmare over with. Okay,
Donna if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

DONNA: Um, well, there's stuff I'd change but I know Eric, and he'd say "Nothing."

ERIC: No, but, wait. But that's not the question.

DONNA: Wh-Why? What'd you answer?

ERIC: It doesn't matter what I answered, because you answered wrong and I
don't...I don't...I don't want to play anymore.

DONNA (taking the card from him): "Huge Wile E. Coyote feet"? What the hell does that mean?

FEZ: It means you have enormous feet. Jackie...

DONNA: Whoa, whoa, Fez. Eric, you think I have enormous feet?

ERIC: No. No, no. You think that. Last week, you said you hated your "huge Wile E. Coyote feet."

DONNA: Eric, I only said that so you'd say they're not big.

ERIC: And they're not big.

KELSO: I'm sorry, but, dude, that's a lie.

DONNA: Oh, my God, I don't believe this.

ERIC: No, Donna, no, you're looking at this all wrong. Big feet make you, like,
really stable. You know? Really hard to... knock over.

DONNA: Get bent (she gives him a push that lands him on Michael's lap, then

ERIC: See? I have small feet.

ERIC That's where- Donna? Are you going somewhere, honey? (he follows her)

FEZ: Okay, this is it. For all the marbles. Jackie. What was your answer?

JACKIE: Um, hmm... well if I had to change one thing about me it would have to be that I'm too cute and all other girls are jealous.

FEZ: Kelso?

Kelso looks at Jackie in slow-motion, he holds up his card and it says: Too cute – all other girls jealous. He screams and Jackie shrieks

JACKIE: Oh, my God, Michael! That's amazing! Oh! Oh, my God, I almos... Oh,
my God. I gotta go talk to Donna (she runs outside)

FEZ: Who would know that you would win a battle of wits?

KELSO: Yeah. Turns out that the key to winning Jackie's heart was in the last place I thought to look my own brain.


Donna is staring at her feet, Jackie is talking to her

JACKIE: Donna, I think I'm actually feeling something for Michael, you know? Donna, would you please stop looking at your feet and listen to me?

DONNA: A boyfriend is supposed to tell you the things you don't like about yourself are fine. Like last week, I told Eric his pecks were getting bigger. But I mean, come on. If you lie him on his back, you could fill up his chest with water.

JACKIE: Maybe I'm just lonely. Or I need a sign from, like, God. Or, I don't know. Maybe I just need someone to tell me if I'm crazy.

DONNA: Jackie, you're crazy.

JACKIE: Not you, Bigfoot.


Red comes in, Kitty is sulking at the kitchen counter

RED: Hi, honey. How was...Oh, not over yet.

KITTY: No, it's not, Red. Go make Laurie do something with her life (Red laughs) I mean it. Now!

RED: Oh. You know, when a guy comes home from work he just wants to sit down and have a nice quiet beer.

KITTY: Well, she drank your beer because she doesn't have a future.

RED: Fine, Kitty. I'm going!

He walks into the living room

RED: Okay, honey. First of all always save one beer for Daddy.


RED: Second of all we feel that you need to get some direction in your life. And by "we," I mean your mother. See, honey. I'm not really worried. 'Cause I know you're gonna find a nice guy and get married.

LAURIE: Exactly.

RED: Right. Someone who can take care of you, who's rich, who's... not Kelso. And I think this is a plan that might just work out for you.

LAURIE: Okay. But, Daddy, I mean, if I wanted to have a career of my own, I
could, right?

RED: Well, sure....I just don't want you to set yourself up for...Like what happened at the college...lf you set the bar too high, the fall might be...You see, you're pretty. Here's five dollars (he leaves)


Leo and Hyde are pulled over by a cop

COP: Good evening, gentlemen.

LEO: Is there a problem, "ossifer?"

COP: Did you just say "ossifer?"

HYDE: Uh, no sir, I'm sorry. I distinctly heard him say officer, sir.

COP: Uh-huh. I pulled you over because your left brake light is out. I'm gonna have to write you up a warning.

LEO: Close one, man. I thought for sure he was gonna ask what's in the bag.

COP: I'm still right here.

LEO: Uh-oh (he gives the bag to the cop)

COP: Dog food?

HYDE: We were framed! I mean...pffrrt...Of course it's dog food. What'd you think it was? Illegal drugs?

COP: All right, weirdo’s. Drive safe.

HYDE (to Leo): Dog food?

LEO: Yeah. I mean...Oh, wait, man. If the dog food's in this bag, then
where's....Oh, wow. I gotta check on my dog, man!


Jackie walks in, Kelso gets up

KELSO: Jackie, l-

JACKIE: Don't speak, Michael. I am very close to letting myself experience strong
feelings of not hating you. I just need a sign.

KELSO: I brought the lotion.

JACKIE: No, okay. I want you to guess a number between one and ten.

KELSO: Seven.

JACKIE: Guess again.

KELSO: Three.

JACKIE: Close enough. Let's go.

FEZ: Jackie, if you go out that door with him whatever we might have had between us is over forever (she leaves without hesitating)


Red and Kitty are reading, Laurie comes in

LAURIE: Look! The reason I haven't done anything with my life is because I didn't know what I wanted to do.

KITTY: Well, the post office has a dental plan that's supposed...

LAURIE: Shh! But, Daddy, you forced me to sit down and think about it and now, I have found my passion! Hair!

KITTY: The musical?

LAURIE: No! Hair! I'm going to beauty school!

KITTY: This isn't something you do through the mail, is it?

LAURIE: No! It's a real school.

KITTY: Oh, well, yaayyy! Ahahaha!

RED: Congratulations, sweetheart (Laurie leaves) So, Kitty, what do you think?


RED: Yeah.


Eric looks at the van shaking

ERIC: Well, looks like Jackie and Kelso are back together.

Inside the van, Kelso is doing a victory dance which makes the van shake...

KELSO: I won and Fez lost I won and Fez lost

A cracking sound, Kelso and Jackie jump out the van

ERIC: You guys, what happened?

KELSO: I don't know. All of a sudden the van just started shakin'.

DONNA: Uh, guys.

The van is slowly sinking through the ice

KELSO: Quick! Everyone give me your belts. Together we can pull it out.

The van sinks deeper and the gang move aside

KELSO: Come on! Gi-

JACKIE: Michael, this is it! This is the sign I was looking for! God doesn't want us
to be together!

KELSO: Who cares? I'm losing my van!

JACKIE: See? That was always the problem with us, Michael. It was always about

KELSO: Jackie, are you losing your van?


KELSO: Then shut up!

DONNA: Wow, watching Kelso's van sink makes the size of my feet seem unimportant.

ERIC: See, Donna? Size doesn't matter.

DONNA: Oh, you don't have to tell me.

ERIC: That's-Yeah. That's..There's my sweet girl.

JACKIE: Fez, I'm cold.

FEZ: Frankly my dear...I don't give a rat's ass (he goes inside)


LEO: Dr. Zhivago, I'm home! I brought your food.!



[Barking Continues]


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Titepau04 (23:39)

Ouiiii ! C'était chouette!

Sonmi451 (23:40)

Tu m'étonnes!

stanary (23:40)

Non je suis toujours là. Mais je me demande bien comment on en est arrivé à parler de ça !

Sonmi451 (23:41)

On est parti de la copine de tite qui angoisse de pas comprendre bébé. ^^

Titepau04 (23:41)

Parce que j'étais toujours la, et j'expliquais pourquoi je n'étais pas encore couchée!

stanary (23:42)

Aaah oui c'est vrai ! Mais bon j'ai pas d'expérience personnelle à raconter donc...

Titepau04 (23:43)

Ouh la la, elle commence à douter!! Savoir si elle veut continuer l'allaitement!

Sonmi451 (23:44)

La fatigue de l'accouchement.

Titepau04 (23:44)

Stanary, surtout le jour où tu es enceinte, fais des cours de préparation avec une bonne sage femme !!! C'est important!

Sonmi451 (23:44)

Et puis si le personnel n'est pas bon, c'est sure ça aide pas.

Titepau04 (23:45)

C'est clair, ma sage femme va prendre le relais mais il faut d'abord qu'elle sorte

Sonmi451 (23:45)

Faut qu'elle s'accroche, c'est le début qui est dure après ça va tout seul

Sonmi451 (23:45)

bébé est en apprentissage aussi, faut pas qu'elle se sente fautive, c'est un travail d'équipe.

Titepau04 (23:46)

On est daccord! Mais quand déjà tu n'as pas confiance en toi, plus la fatigue...

stanary (23:47)

Oh mais non ! Il faut pas arrêter l'allaitement. Ça va rien changer je pense

Titepau04 (23:47)

Je lui ai dit que ça n'avait rien a voir!

stanary (23:48)

C'est le stress qui parle pour elle je pense

Titepau04 (23:49)

J'espère qu'elle va sortir rapidement!

Titepau04 (23:49)

Y'a ça qui joue aussi, elle a hâte de sortir mais le stress que bebe ne prenne pas de poids...

Sonmi451 (23:50)

La chute des hormones qui parle, un baby blues, faut pas prendre de décision là-dessus.

stanary (23:50)

Oui peut-être que tu devrais lui rendre visite demain

Sonmi451 (23:51)

un bébé ne se laisse pas mourir de faim. qu'elle se dise bien que si bébé a faim, il la laissera pas tranquille, elle va pas avoir le choix de le nourrir et bébé trouvera le lait. ^^

Titepau04 (23:53)

Je ne peux pas, les enfants autre que frère et sœur ne sont pas acceptés... je vais pas payé la nounou non plus

Titepau04 (23:53)

Je l'ai vu samedi deja

Titepau04 (23:54)

Je lui ai déjà dit ça!!

Sonmi451 (23:54)

Bon moi je vais me coucher, bébé m'a pas demandé, les microbes doivent le mettre K.O mais je préfère voir que tout va bien. ^^

Sonmi451 (23:54)

Bonne nuit.

Titepau04 (23:54)


stanary (23:54)

Bonne nuit

stanary (23:59)

Bon aller moi aussi je dois me coucher. Bon courage avec ton amie. Et bonne nuit !

stella (21:26)

Design spécial Noël sur le quartier Downton Abbey ainsi que son calendrier de l'avent original.

DGreyMan (22:23)

Nouveau sondage spécial Harry Potter dans "Game of Thrones" ! Merci d'avance.

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Sondage de noël sur le quartier Heartland

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N'oubliez pas de vous inscrire pour le grande hypnoGame Arrow!!

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Nouveaux calendriers sur les quartiers NCIS Los Angeles, S Club 7 et Dr House!!! ^^

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Nouveaux jeux, nouveau calendrier et nouveau sondage dans Game of Thrones. Merci d'avance.

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Hohoho, venez admirer et commenter le nouveau design du quartier "Big Bang Theory". Vous n'allez pas le regretter.

emeline53 (22:43)

Le nouveau sondage de The Fosters vient d'arriver ! Venez nous dire ce que vous voulez comme cadeau de Noël

Sonmi451 (13:47)

Venez commenter les calendriers chez House, Scrubs, urgences et friends. Et au passage un petit vote pour les sondages sont les bienvenus, merci.

Profilage (20:16)

Bonsoir, un tout nouveau calendrier vient d'apparaitre sur les quartiers The 100 & Under the Dome. On vous attend !

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Nouveaux calendriers et sondages sur les quartiers Lie to Me et Jericho, venez nombreux, merci. Bonne soirée à tous !

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Design' spécial noël sur Scrubs, on attend vos commentaires.

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Votez dès maintenant pour la Nouvelle Photo du Mois du quartier "Elementary" !

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Bonjour la citadelle ! Une grande animation vous attends sur The Night Shift, venez participer !

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Bonjour tout le monde ! Vous pouvez, si vous le souhaitez, venir sur le quartier "True Blood" pour commenter le (très) beau calendrier de décembre, fait par Sonmi. Merci par avance et bon dimanche à tous.

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Inscrivez-vous vite pour la grande partie d'HypnoGame Arrow qui aura lieu dans 6 jours!! Rendez-vous dans les forums de l'accueil!!

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Venez voir les nouveaux calendriers de The Night Shift (serie²) et Dollhouse (Xana).

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Seulement 2 persones pour commenter le design Noël de The Fosters ? Venez donner votre avis en plus, un sondage sur votre souhait de cadeau est en ligne !

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Special spécial Noel sur le quartier Downton Abbey et sans oublier son calendrier de l'avent original

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Bonsoir. Sondage dédié à "Game of Thrones" dans le quartier "Harry Potter"...

DGreyMan (22:40)

... ou le contraire ! ^^

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Plus que quelques jours pour vous inscrire à la grande soirée HypnoGame Arrow dans les forums de l'accueil ou par MP!!!

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