Ce script VO a été migré dans le guide de l'épisode.
Formans kitchen, Eric and Hyde are having breakfast, Kitty serves them orange-juice
KITTY: Okay Eric, it’s your fathers last day at work, but don’t mention it. In fact, my advice to both you kids is is just eat and...get out!
HYDE: Mrs. Forman I could hide in the basement.
KITTY: No, no, no, I am not gonna have you kids leave without your breakfast! You know what’s fun? A bacon sandwich, here, you can eat it in the car!
Laurie enters the kitchen.
KITTY: Oh, GREAT! Now your father is gonna see THREE mouths he has to feed. OH you’re wearing your University of Wisconsin sweatshirt!
LAURIE: Yeah mother, I went there.
KITTY: No, you flunked out of there. You know, you might as well just wear your University of I Wasted My Fathers Money Sweatshirt! Hahaha! Take it off!
Laurie gets up and starts to undress.
KITTY: OH GOD NO! (pulls the shirt down) Leave it on!
HYDE: She lacks character Mrs. Forman!
LAURIE: Shut up! You are lucky to even live here! You’re an orphan.
HYDE: She called me an orphan!
ERIC: Hey, he’s not an orphan, his mom just abandoned him.
HYDE: Shut UP Forman!
KITTY: Okay, that’s it! Everybody just hide in the basement. GO!
As they get up, Red enters the kitchen.
Everybody freezes while standing at the breakfast table in silence.
KITTY: Amen! Everybody sit and eat!
They all sit down and continue their breakfast, Red joins them with his morning paper.
KITTY: How are you?
KITTY: So uhm, what are you doing?
RED: Reading...having some coffee...
ERIC: Is the coffee good?
RED: Okay, everybody knows that today is my last day at work. Last day that the plant is open. So, I just wanna tell you all that everything is going to be great. So...great.
LAURIE: Daddy, that is such good news! Can I have 20 dollars?
KITTY: You get in the basement!
Foreman’s driveway with Kelso’s van in it
KELSO: So, Jackie, what do you think?!
JACKIE: Aw Michael, it’s horrible!
KELSO: What are you talking about?!
JACKIE: You said it was cool on the phone Michael, but it’s NOT! It’s horrible! I can’t be seen in this, it’s like uhrg like having a sty!
FEZ: Ohohhh, this van will not be rocking...
Cut to the plant’s canteen
DALE: Oh sure is something. 23 years of work in here and now it’s all gone. Course you’re gonna find work, you’re a supervisor!
RED walks away: Well uhh that’s true... Excuse me.
AMY: Sad as hell, ain’t it Red? Jee, it’s a real bad time for me to be getting laid off, you know my husband Bucky, his skin graft didn’t take.
RED: Yeah, that’s a..that’s a...real sad, Amy
BRUCE walks in with his arms full of office supplies
BRUCE: Red, Dale, Amy, hey I’m stealing office supplies! Haha! Red, you didn’t want your stapler did you?
BRUCE: Good, ‘cause I already stole it!
AMY: Hey Red, you know, we’re all gonna go over to Charlie’s for one last drink, thought maybe you could pop in for one
RED: Oh no, I...I don’t pop
DALE: Told you he wouldn’t come with us, he hates us!
RED: Well I...(shrugs)
Cut to inside of Kelso’s van, Kelso sits in the middle of it
KELSO: Yeah baby! Yep, you and me are going places!
Screen fills with smoke and reveals a title page: Kelso After Dark
PAUL ANKA sings: Having my baby, it’s another way of saying how much I love you...Having my babyyyy
KELSO: Yeah! Paul Anka! Man, you kick some serious musical ass!
PAUL ANKA: Thank you Kelso!
KELSO: Man, I knew once I got my van I’d be having some bitchin’Hollywood parties!
LYLE WAGGONER: Right on Kelso! I love the van! It’s a real ‘Lyle Waggoner’ place to be!
PAUL ANKA: Yeah, with a ride like this you must get a buttload of ladies
KELSO: Actually Paul, I’m just with Jackie at the moment.
PAUL: Just Jackie?! Huh, what are you, an idiot?
KELSO: Well, Lyle, Paul. I know that a fine machine like this would well snag me lots of pelt. But I love Jackie and a real man can deny his man instincts...
LAURIE: Who are yoy talking to?!
KELSO hits his head on the roof of the van: OH! Aaah! (Sees Laurie in the door of his van): Hello...Laurie...what are you doing here?
LAURIE: I’m bored, there’s nothing on TV. So this is your new ride huh?
KELSO: It is
LAURIE (crawls next to Kelso): It’s really uhhh roomy...
KELSO: Listen...Laurie....uhhh I don’t think you should be in here...I mean I know we’ve made out a couple dozen times...
KELSO: Okay....but that’s over!
LAURIE (climbs on top of Kelso): Gosh, I sure do feel close to you Kelso!
KELSO: Uhhhhhaahhhhuuuuaa..listen Laurie...I...I...I.. don’t think my girlfriend Jackie would like you sitting on me
LAURIE: I think you like me sitting on you, in fact I know you do!
KELSO: Okay! But that’s not the point!
LAURIE kisses Kelso: Shut up Kelso! This is your lucky day... (she’s closes the door)
Cut to the van seen from above
KELSO: Those are my pants! No! .....(van starts rockin’) yes....yes....
Hyde walks by the van and pulls up a chair
Cut to the Forman’s basement
HYDE: Soooo what’s new? Kelso?
KELSO: Uhhh OOOOH MAN! I mean....nothing! So...Eric, isn’t your sister hot?
ERIC: Nooo. In fact Kelso I think your the only loser here who thinks she is hot
FEZ: Not true, I have pictured her naked hundreds of times (starts peeling a banana) Just this morning I was taking a shower...
HYDE: Come on Fez man! It is absolutely inappropriate and disrespectful to talk about how hot somebody else’s sister is! No matter how bad you wanne give it to her! Right Kelso?
KELSO: Oh MAN! Oh man! I...
HYDE: What is it boy? Is there trouble? Is there something you wanna tell us about Eric’s sister?
KELSO: I TOTALLY DID IT WITH HER! (To Eric) I’m sorry man!
KELSO: I mean...she took advantage of me! I’m violated
HYDE: You idiot, your thumbs are still up!
KELSO: Huhuhh acting’s hard!
ERIC: Shut up perv! That’s my sister! Come on!
FEZ: I know! It was forbidden, taboo, titilating ..(takes bite out of his banana)
HYDE: Isn’t it ironic? That titilating has the word (he gestures) tit in it?
KELSO: Oh man, that reminds me...
ERIC: NO SHUT UP! I swear to God, if you say one more word about my sister I’m gonna tell Jackie!
KELSO: Man.... I forgot about Jackie...
HYDE: Right...right.. you forgot you had this huge bitchy anchor tied around your neck ..pfrrtt..it could happen...
Cut to Jackie and Donna sitting in the back of the van
JACKIE: So, I guess the first time it actually really happened, was when I was horsebackriding
DONNA nods:...huh... So, you know, I think this van could be pretty nice
JACKIE: You know, I’m glad he got it, at least it’s a step towards responsibility. Maybe Michael is maturing
DONNA: Yeah, hang on to that dream Jackie....
JACKIE: Donna, I’m serious! I think he’s growing up! God I’m so proud of him that if I weren’t already sleeping with him I’d sleep with him! So, have you and Eric done it yet?
DONNA: Yeah we did it and I forgot to mention it...
JACKIE: Ah. So what’s the hold up?
DONNA: Whatever... It’ll happen when it happens
JACKIE: Sure. Yeah I guess if I was Eric’s girlfriend, I would not be in a hurry to do it either!
Cut to Eric and Donna watching TV in the basement
DONNA: You know what? Maybe we should ask Kelso if we could borrow his van some night?
ERIC: ....Cool... It’s like a... Which night?
DONNA: I don’t know, some night?
ERIC: Is that like a wednesday?
DONNA: It could be...
ERIC: Could tonight be some night?
DONNA: No. Well...I don’t know (They kiss) Maybe...
ERIC: You sure?
DONNA: Hey, where are the cushions? (They start to make out some more)
Cut to a bar, Amy, Dale, Red and Bruce are having drinks
RED: Look at me! I’m almost 50!
DALE: You’re not over 50?!
RED & BRUCE: Uhh you gotta shut up!
RED: I only know how to do one thing, I’ve been doing it my whole life, it’s not like another one of these plants is gonna open up in this craphole! How am I gonna support my family?
Bruce and Dale pat his back
RED: Ahh the hell with it! At least I got you guys! I LOVE you guys!
Cut to Kitty on the phone in the kitchen, Eric, Hyde and Fez are playing cards at the kitchen table
KITTY: Okay, uhm, thank you for calling Amy! Yeah, bye! (hangs up) Eric, you have to go pick your father up at Charlie’s bar.
ERIC: At Charlie’s? Oh, is he drunk?
KITTY: He’s not drunk, he’s he’s not feeling well!
HYDE: Red’s drunk
KITTY: He is not! He’s just, he’s not feeling well!
ERIC: Come on Fez, my dad’s drunk
KITTY: HE IS NOT DRUNK! HE IS NOT FEELING WELL!
Cut to Kelso and Jackie making out in the van
JACKIE: Michael, the cushions are really nice! Where did you get ‘m?
KELSO: Uhhh, I found them...
JACKIE: You’re nesting Michael, that is SO mature!
KELSO: Allright, listen Jackie, we have to talk. This van is changing me!
JACKIE: I know Michael, I know!
KELSO: You do? Great! Cause I want you to be on board with what I’m gonna say. Transportation is a big responsibility...
JACKIE: That is SO true!
KELSO: Yeah! So I’d like to see other people!
KELSO: What I mean to say is, that you and I should see other people
KELSO: Okay...What if just I see other people?
Cut to Charlie’s bar, Red is still at the bar with Amy. Hyde, Eric and Fez enter
RED: HEEYY! The gang’s all here! (slaps Fez on the back) How you doing Fez?
FEZ: Oh my God, he knows my name...
AMY: Hey, are those sideburns?
HYDE: Since 8th grade...
RED (to barman): Hey, brings these guys a beer!
ERIC: Uh dad no, I’m supposed to bring you home, Mum said so
RED (slurred): Normally you’d do what your mother says. Sometimes you know, you’re a dumbass. But mostly, your a good kid
ERIC: Thank you...sir...
RED: But his is my last day at work, I didn’t get a party, I didn’t get a gold watch, I ain’t get CRAP. So... let’s drink!
Cut to phone ringing in Forman’s kitchen
KITTY: Hello? (screen is in half, Kitty on one side, Eric on the other, still in the bar)
ERIC: Hello mother?
Red, Hyde, Fez, Amy in the background: Heellooooooo motherrrrr
ERIC: This is your son, Eric... I’m not feeling well.
KITTY: I’ll be right there (hangs up)
Cut to Charlie’s Bar. Red’s half asleep on the bar, Kitty enters
KITTY: Oh Red!
RED (slurred): I love you Kitty!
KITTY: Uhuh. Bartender, could I have two coffees please?
RED: I’ll have two more beers!
RED: Okay okay, I’ll just have the one beer!
KITTY: This isn’t like you Red.
RED: What, I can’t have a beer?
KITTY: No, hanging around with people. You hate people. Ahahahahaha!
RED (laughs with her): Yeah I do!
KITTY: You know we’re gonna get through this?
RED: Yeah I know.
KITTY: Oh heck, we’ve been through worse times than these!
RED: Just for the fun of it Kitty, when was that?
KITTY: Well I don’t know.
RED: Are you worried?
KITTY: Nope. Are you worried?
RED: Pffftt...naaah I’m not worried Kitty. I’m too drunk to be worried.
Cut to Forman’s car. Kitty’s behind the wheel, Eric and Red are singing along with the radio, Hyde and Fez are in the back
KITTY: Okay, you know what, let’s turn that off!
HYDE: Hey, I got Amy’s phone number!
RED: Good for you Stephen!
HYDE: Well, I hope she’s still pretty tomorrow! (They all snigger, except for Kitty)
KITTY: Well you know, let’s just turn that Redneck Mother-song back on!
They all sing along again.
Cut to Forman’s kitchen, the next morning. Eric is having coffee, Donna comes in
DONNA: Hey! God, where were you last night?!
ERIC: Went out and had a few beers with the old man. It was pretty special.
DONNA: Oh, ‘cause you know, I came by.
ERIC: You came by?
DONNA nods: Yeah. I came by, cause I was thinkin’, last night was THE night.
ERIC: Last night?
ERIC: I will definitely be here tonight!
DONNA: Nah tonight doesn’t feel right...
DONNA: Not the way last night felt... (she gets up and leaves)
ERIC: Oh right. (lays his head on the table) Oh my god!