Ce script VO a été migré dans le guide de l'épisode.Point Place, Wisconsin
Eric Forman's Driveway
THE GARAGE :
Red, Bernece, Kitty, and Eric all walk out to the Vista Cruiser. Red opens the door for Bernece
Kitty: Oh, um, here, Bernece, I, I made you a plate of leftovers.
Bernece: Oh, thank you. Oh! That reminds me, Red, my garbage disposal is still broken.
Kitty: Well, just as long as you enjoy it.
Bernece: Listen, I've got an idea. Let's eat out next Sunday. That way, everybody can get something they like.
Eric: Ok, grandma, time to get you home! (He gets into the car.)
Red: Eric, you gotta warm that car up for at least ten minutes!
Bernece: Oh, he's a good boy! It's just a shame he doesn't have a better home life. (She gets into the car, and Kitty sets the leftovers on her lap.) Um, you know, Kitty, when I was raising children, the right way to…(She can't finish because Kitty slams the door on her.)
Red: That's warm enough, Eric.
Eric: Yeah, but you just said…
Red: Show me tail lights.
Eric: Let's roll, grandma.
THE VISTA CRUISER :
Eric is driving Bernece home in the car. Song: "Mandy " - Barry Manilow
Bernece: Turn of that beatnik music. (Eric reaches over and turns off the radio.) Watch the road. (the two sit in silence for a while.) You don't like it when I come to visit.
Eric: Yes, I do. I really do.
Bernece: You're a filthy liar. You didn't learn to lie from my Red. That came from your mother.
Eric: Well, you see grandma, that's the problem right there. Ok? Every time you come to my house, you spend the whole day criticizing my mom.
Bernece: Well, I tell it like it is.
Eric: Ok, grandma, then here's how it is. You're very nasty. And I, I don't see why you have to be so hateful. I don't think being nice for a whole day would kill you. (Bernece keels over onto Eric's shoulder.) Grandma? (He stops the car, and grandma flops into the dashboard.) Grandma? Oh, oh god! (He jumps out of the car)
THE FORMAN’S DRIVEWAY :
Eric is in his driveway shooting baskets. Donna comes and catches the ball, then tosses it back to him
Donna: Hey! What's going on?
Eric: Shootin' smokes! He takes a shot, but it rebounds off of the back board and rolls next to the Cruiser
Donna: Oh, I'll get it. (she looks in the car.) Eric, what's your grandma doing sleeping in the car?
Eric: She's not uh, she's not sleeping. She's dead. (Donna just stares at him.) No, really, she's dead.
Donna: What? What are you talking about, she's dead?
Eric: I uh, was driving her home, and then I yelled at her, and then she died.
Donna: Well, she died? I mean, what did Red say?
Eric: Oh, I'm not telling Red.
Donna: Um, Eric, I don't mean to criticize, but are you insane? You need to do something!
Kelso runs up to the car
Kelso: Hey, Eric! I just gotta get my eight-track outta the car.
Kelso: (He crawls through the window so that his legs are hanging out.) Grandma Forman! Can you just move your leg a little bit?
Donna: Kelso, she's dead.
Kelso: (He leaps back out of the window.) Oh my god!!! Ahhhh!!! (He looks down at his hands and realizes he has touched a dead person.) Oh my god!!! (He runs off)
Donna: Eric, you're in shock. You have to go inside and tell Red right now. Right now!
Eric: Wait, um. Will you do it?
Donna: You, please. Right now! (She tugs on his arm to get him to go into the house. He starts walking in, but then he turns back.)
Eric: Oh. I forgot the tupperware.
He picks up the leftovers and then goes into the house. His mother is scrubbing the counter, then she looks up and sees him
Kitty: Oh. She sent back the leftovers. This is so typical of your grandmother, why do I even put up with her?
Eric: Mom, I think you might be coming down a little hard on grandma this time.
Kitty: Well, you know what? She is just an evil, evil, horrible little woman. What did she say about me this time?
Eric: Not much.
Red walks into the room
Red: So, you get your grandma home ok?
Kitty thumps the leftovers, and Red picks them up and rolls his eyes
Eric: Well, um, you know, the strangest thing happened. (Kitty and Red look at him expectantly.)
Cut to the Forman's driveway. Red, Kitty and Eric are standing next to the car looking into it
Red: Ok. Now here's the part where I get lost. How did she hit the sidewalk?
Eric: Well I, opened the door for her.
Red: And what the hell was going through your head when you did that?
Kitty: Oh, just yell at him, Red. I'm sure that his grandmother dying hasn't upset him enough.
Red: Eric, take your mother in the house. She's hysterical.
Eric: Yes, sir. And um, I have to tell you, sir, when we were driving, I said to grandma, I said…
Red: Eric! This is no time to get upset!
Kitty: Well, when is the right time?
Red: I'll handle this, Eric, you just take your mother in the house.
Eric and Kitty start to go into the house
Kitty: Well, this, this is a, this is a, a terrible loss!
Eric: Mom, didn't you just say that she was evil?
Kitty: I never said any such thing.
THE FORMAN’S KITCHEN :
(Laurie, Kitty, and Red are in the Forman's kitchen
Kitty: Oh, sweetie, I am so glad you're here.
Laurie: Yeah, I had a final this week.
Kitty: Oh, I'm so sorry, honey.
Laurie: Oh, no, this couldn't have come at a better time, I was really unprepared. She looks up and realizes that this was not the best thing to say, so she turns on the little girl act
.But I miss grandma!
Kitty: I know, honey. We all do. (She takes some biscuits out of the oven.)
Laurie: Mom, what is with all this food?
Kitty: Well, you know. Busy hands are happy hands. (She and Laurie sit at the table.) Ok. Would you like a cup of chili with your waffles?
Laurie: Well, no. (Changes her mind.) Sure!
Red sits down at the table
Kitty: So. How did your brother take the news?
Red: Oh, you know Marty. He's talking about his feelings, and then he started bawling, so I hung up on him. I'm not paying long distance rates to listen to that crap.
Laurie: Uncle Marty is so in touch with his feelings. It's like he's completely self-actualized.
Red: He's a dumbass.
Kitty: Now Red, honey, I-I don't think that you're really mad at Marty. I think you are just going through one of the five stages of dealing with death.
Red: What are you talking about?
Kitty: There are five stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
Red: Kitty, I've got two stages. Anger, and drinking.
THE BASEMENT :
Donna and Eric are sitting in Eric's basement talking. Song: "Don't Fear the Reaper " - Blue Oyster Cult
Donna: Eric, I don't care what you said to your grandmother. You did not kill her.
Eric: I did, Donna. I killed her. She was old, and the shock of her grandson telling her that she was nasty killed her.
Donna: Have you talked to Red about this?
Eric: I'm not talking to my dad about this. Do you remember how angry he got when I didn't rake the yard? And this is like, twice as bad! Well, I don't really wanna talk about this anymore.
Donna: Eric, you need to talk about this.
Eric: Donna, we don't talk about things in the Forman family. It's not like your house where every time you have a "feeling" you dad gives you a big hug and a gold star.
Donna: I'm just trying to help you here.
Eric: Well, I don't…talking isn't gonna help me! Ok? What's gonna help me, is, like, drinking!
Donna: Well, now you're just being stupid!
Hyde walks in
Hyde: Hey, Forman! Let's go get wasted.
Eric points to Hyde triumphently
Donna: Oh, great.
Eric: See? Hyde's a real friend! He's gonna help me get through my grandma's death.
Hyde: Your grandma's dead? Oh, man, um. Let's go get wasted.
Eric nods. The two of them leave
Donna: Well! Yeah.
THE FORMAN’S LIVING-ROOM :
Red and his brother Marty are sitting on the Forman's living room couch
Marty: As fellow human beings, not brothers, human beings, how do you feel?
Red: What the hell is wrong with you?
Marty: I got away from this family, I'm not afraid of my feelings!
Red: Well I am.
Kitty walks in with a plate of food
Kitty: Ok, now. Who would like a Monte Cristo?
Marty: Oh, Kitty! Groovy sandwiches. No red meat, right?
Kitty: Oh, no. Just ham.
Red: You know, Marty, we really should talk about ma's funeral.
Marty: Oh, don't worry. It's on me.
Red: It's not a round of beers. We'll split the cost.
Marty: Sweet Red. You're so generous. Even when you're low on funds. I just want what's best for mom! (He starts to cry.)
Red: Yeah, Marty, that's, that's what we all want. It's just when I feel bad, I don't cry like a little girl.
THE BAR :
Eric, Hyde, Kelso, and Fez are at a bar. Song: "House Party " - J. Geils Band
Eric: (Pounding on the table.) Waitress. Waitress!
Hyde: Forman, relax. Ok? (The waitress comes over.) Hi, uh, we're gonna need a pitcher and four glasses please.
Waitress: I'm gonna need to see some ID.
Hyde: Of course. (He pulls out a fake ID card.) I have mine right here but the rest of the fellas left theirs back at the military base.
Waitress: Gotcha. (She leaves. Two girls walk up to the guys' table.)
Charlene: Uh, so you're in the military. What base are you from?
Hyde: It's a secret military base.
Charlotte: I'm Charlotte and this is my sister Charlene.
Kelso: I'm Ted.
Hyde: Sergeant Shaft.
Eric: You can call me Honcho.
Fez: I am Eric Forman.
The waitress comes back with the drinks
Charlene: Oh, uh, Sally, put that on our tab and bring everybody a round of shots.
Fez: What is going on?
Kelso: They're picking us up!
Fez: Ai, no!
Kelso: No, it's a good thing!
Fez: Oh, ok!
Kelso: (Pulls Charlotte on his lap.) Get over here!
Just then two men walk in
Man: Excuse me, fellas, but we need to talk to the ladies.
Hyde: Yeah, well these ladies are with us, ok?
Man: Well they came in with us, ok? Great.
Fez: (Stands up) Get lost! They are trying to pick us up.
Man: (Shoves Fez back in his seat.) I think you've had quite enough firewater there, chief.
Eric: (Stands.) Hey, you mess with Eric Forman, and you mess with me.
Man: Are you looking for trouble?
Eric starts poking the man's chest
Eric: Oh yes. Oh, I'm looking for trouble.
The man punches Eric out
Man: Anybody else? Huh?
Hyde: Well, there's three of us, so…(He and Kelso jump on the man. Fez turns to the girls.)
Fez: So, where were we? Oh yes. You were picking me up.
THE FORMAN’S KITCHEN :
Kitty, Red, and Marty are sitting at the Forman's kitchen table. Kitty is in her nightclothes
Kitty: Well now, where is Eric? It's two in the morning. I'm worried sick.
Marty: Eric is acting out. He doesn't have the emotional tools to deal with this tragedy.
Red: You're an emotional tool, Marty.
Kitty: Now. Who would like lemon bunt cake?
Eric walks in, holding his head down
Red: Where the hell have you been?
Eric: Um, I went to a bar.
Kitty: Eric, have you been drinking?
Eric: No, I've been fighting. (He moves his hand so that she can see his black eye.)
Kitty: Oh, my lord!
Marty: Eric, it's ok. Just let the feelings out.
Eric opens his mouth
Red: Put 'em back in there, Eric!
He stands up and walks over to Eric and Marty
Marty: You know, when a father and son…
Red: Marty, you are this close to a headlock.
Marty: Goodnight! (He leaves.)
Kitty: Eric, just because there has been a tragedy in the family, it's no reason to act crazy. My son, getting in a bar fight like, like some kind of…bar fighter!
Red: Kitty. Stop cooking, and go to bed.
Kitty: Ok. Alright. When the timer goes off, one of you better take that roast out of the oven or there will be hell to pay!
She leaves the kitchen
Red: Sit down, Eric. (Eric sits down. Red puts a beer in front of him and sits down next to him.) Don't drink that. Put it on your eye. (Eric puts the beer on his eye.) Come on, I'm kidding!
Eric opens his beer and takes a sip
Eric: So. This is beer. (Red rolls his eyes.)
THE FUNERAL :
Pastor: And as much as we all miss Bernece, we must remember that she is now in a far better place.
Hyde: (Tips his seat forward and whispers to Eric.) You don't have to die to get to a better place, man, just drive fifty miles in any direction.
Eric: Shut up!
Cut to Kelso and Jackie
Kelso: You ok?
Jackie: I don't know, Michael. It's just that, death is so unexpected. And we are such fragile beings. Never knowing when the flame of our lives will be blown out by the wind of death.
Jackie: I am so turned on, aren't you?
Jackie: Let's go.
Jackie: Coat room.
They stand up and leave
Bernece's coffin is open, and everyone is coming to stand over her and offer their last thoughts.
Kitty: (thoughts) Um, I know we had our differences. I married Red and, and, and you hated me. Um, well, uh, just try to be nicer to god.
Laurie: (thoughts) Life is so complicated. You get old and die. Thank god I'm still young and hot.
Hyde: (Thoughts) Man, I can't believe they're just gonna throw that ring away. (He starts to reach for the ring.) Oh, no, I can't!
Fez: (thoughts) Oh my god, there's a body in here!
Red: (thoughts) Well, ma, I…Oh for god's sake. (He leaves, and then comes back with the pastor.)
Pastor: Oh, sorry. Those should be closed. (He leans over and closes Bernece's eyes.)
Eric is sitting on a bench after the funeral. Donna comes up to him.
Donna: Hey. Oh, god, you got a black eye! It looks pretty hot.
Eric: Well, you should see the other guy.
Donna: Did you really lay him out?
Eric: No, I mean he was huge! You just, You shoulda seen him. The fact I even took the punch is a testament to how tough I really am!
Donna leans over and hugs him, but she hits his eye
Donna: Oh! Sorry.
Eric hugs her back
Eric: Look, Donna, I'm sorry. About the other night, I was acting crazy. And um, and I'm completely over it now. I mean you just, you can't dwell on these things.
Donna: So you had a heart to heart with Red?
Eric: Hell no.
Donna: So you're still just suppressing everything.
Eric: Sure beats dealing with it now, right?
Red, Kitty, Laurie, and Marty are standing and talking to Eric's friends
Jackie: (To Red) I'm really sorry your mom died. It's like, sad and stuff.
Kelso: Hey! Pretty great funeral, huh?
Red stares at him, and then Kelso leaves
Hyde: Red, I'm sorry about your mom, man. And I'm sorry Kelso's an idiot.
Fez: Mister Red, always remember. A mother's goodness is carried on forever by her son.
Marty starts to cry
Red: Have you met my sister Marty?
THE FORMAN’S DRIVEWAY :
Hyde is helping Red, Eric, Marty and Kitty empty out the car, which is full of stuff from Bernece's house.
Hyde: (Digging around in a box) Hey, what's all this stuff?
Red: Cameras. My dad was an amateur photographer. Had his own darkroom.
Hyde: Really. Hey Forman, you have any naked pictures of your grandma? (He hands Eric the box.)
Hyde: Ha! You do now!
They go inside
Red: Hey! My old train set!
Marty: Your train set? That was our train set.
Red: Well, really it should've been mine. You never played with it, right?
Marty: Red, do you wanna keep the trains?
Red: If you don't want 'em.
Marty: Well, it's not about me. It's about what you want. Make an honest declaration of your needs.
Red: Would you cut the crap?
Marty: Just say to me, "Marty, I want the trains."
Red: Marty, I'd be glad to hang on to 'em for you.
Marty: Are you asking me for them?
Marty: Fine! Then I'll keep them. (He reaches down and takes the train set from Red, then he goes in the house.)
Red: Fine! Go ahead and keep 'em! I don't want the damn things! (He stops Kitty before she goes in the house.) Kitty! You go in there and tell that bastard to give me my trains!
Kitty: Red, it's your problem. I gotta make a pie.
THE FORMAN’S LIVING ROOM, Later that night
The train set is put up, and Red is sitting next to it watching the train go by. Kitty comes downstairs
Kitty: Oh, well now, see? Marty left you the trains.
Red: Yeah, he did. And he even set it up right. See, the stations are all spread out. Five stops, five times the fun. If he thinks he's playing with 'em when he visits, he's got another thing coming.
Kitty: Now, Red, you have to share with your brother.
Red: I don't wanna!
Kitty: Ok. I am gonna go make a coffee cake! Toot toot! (She goes into the kitchen. Eric comes downstairs.)
Eric: Hey, dad, nice trains.
Red: Yeah. You know I can't believe that your grandmother held onto them all these years, I thought she'd thrown them away.
Eric: Yeah, she was a good egg, grandma.
Red: Yes she was. You know when I was a little boy, I hated peaches. And mom knew that, so uh, whenever she made a peach pie, she'd make a little blueberry pie. Special. Just for me. You know, she was the first one to call me Red. And the last time I saw her, I didn't, I didn't say I love you, I didn't even say goodbye. I said show me the tail lights.
Eric: Dad, um. The last thing I said to her was, it wouldn't kill you to be nice. But I think it did because she died.
Red stares at him, and then he starts to laugh.
Red: That could only happen to you, son! It's ok.
Eric: I know.
Kitty walks into the room, looking depressed
Red: What's the matter, Kitty?
Kitty: I'm all out of eggs. (She starts to cry.) And flour.
Red: Come here. (He hugs her.) Eric, come here. (Eric walks over to them and they all hug. Laurie comes down the stairs.)
Laurie: Hey, do you think these diamonds are real? (She sees them hugging.) Oh. Family moment. I'll leave you three alone.
Donna and Eric are in the graveyard, and Eric approaches Bernece's grave
Donna: I'm just gonna wait over here.
Eric: (To the grave) I'm really sorry that our last conversation didn't go so smooth. But, um, look. That is not how I feel about you at all.
Hyde: (As grandma) The why did you kill me, Eric? I'll never forgive you!
Eric walks over to the gravestone to see Hyde hiding behind it
Eric: What the hell are you doing out here?
Hyde: Freezing my nads off for a joke, man.