Ce script VO a été migré dans le guide de l'épisode.
POINT PLACE, WISCONSIN
FEBRUARY 13 TH, 1977
ERIC FORMAN'S BASEMENT
ERIC is on the couch watching ‘Gilligan's Island'. DONNA comes in and sits on him.
ERIC: “Oh, get off me you moose!”
DONNA: “Oh, God Eric, I didn't even see you sitting there, you should really think about bulking up!”
ERIC looks at her a second and starts tickling her.
ERIC: “We'll see who should think of bulking up!”
THEY start wrestling on the couch and finally fall on the floor, DONNA on top of ERIC.
DONNA: “What are you watching?”
HYDE, FEZ and KELSO come in.
FEZ: “Hey, Gilligan is on! What are you doing on the floor?”
DONNA and ERIC get up.
HYDE: “Yeah, why don't you guys get a room?”
ERIC: “We have a room Hyde, it's called my basement.”
KELSO sits between ERIC and DONNA. DONNA gets up.
DONNA: “Well, I'm going home. Bye guys!”
HYDE: “Oh, so Donna don't forget. I'll see you tomorrow night at the library right?”
DONNA: “Yeah right.”
ERIC: “I'll walk you home!”
KELSO: “She lives right next door, man.”
HE jumps off the couch and hits KELSO on the head. HE goes out after her.
SHE gets back downstairs.
ERIC: “Uh, about tomorrow night, I was thinking that maybe you and I could go out to dinner, for Valentine's day.”
DONNA: “Oh, Hyde asked me to study at the library, so…”
ERIC: “I mean, you can do that anytime, right?”
DONNA: “Um, yeah, yeah, I'd love to go!”
ERIC: “It's great, uh, so then it's a, it's a date.”
DONNA: “Our first.”
ERIC: “Yeah… if you don't count all the times I mauled you.”
DONNA: “Yeah. Um, which I don't, so…”
THEY are about to kiss when JACKIE gets down the stairs.
JACKIE: “Hey guys!”
SHE stares at the two of them.
JACKIE: “So, what's going on?”
DONNA: “I'll talk to you guys later.”
SHE leaves. JACKIE and ERIC get in the basement.
JACKIE: “So Eric, what were you and Donna talking all hot and heavy about?”
ERIC: “Your hair.”
ERIC: “No. We're going out to dinner tomorrow night for Valentine's day.”
HYDE: “Uh, no, no, no. Donna and I are going to the library to study tomorrow night.”
JACKIE: “On Valentine's day? Who studies on Valentine's day?”
HYDE: “Well, I didn't know it was Valentine's day when I made the date… to study.”
ERIC: “Well, I'm sure she just forgot about you.”
HYDE: “We just talked about it a minute ago!”
ERIC: “Women, you know? I mean. Anyway, I'm gonna give Donna my class ring.”
HE shows them the ring.
KELSO: “No, forget rings! You wanna score with Donna, use my super Funk eight track.”
ERIC: “Anyway, I figured it's time to make it official. I mean she's just been waiting for any jerk to swoop down on her.”
HYDE: “And you're that jerk.”
ERIC: “Well, better me than some other jerk.”
FEZ: “Why are you looking at me, Hyde's the other jerk!”
KELSO: “So, Eric and Donna are going out Saturday night. That means we have no wheels!”
JACKIE: “Well, I can borrow my dad's car!”
KELSO: “Ouh, it's a Lincoln. Leather… Oh, you know what we should do? We should ditch Hyde and Fez and make out in the backseat!”
FEZ: “You said that out loud.”
KELSO: “Yeah, I don't care.”
JACKIE: “Hey, yeah, I know, we could go shopping for clogs! Pick me up at seven!”
HYDE: “Yeah, well, have fun man, I'm out.”
KELSO: “Oh, we won't be shopping. We'll be doing it, again! ‘Cause that's what we do! We do it!”
FEZ: “Then I'm in!”
KELSO: “Uh, um, no, you're not invited Fez.”
FEZ: “Oh, then I'm out.”
KELSO: “Well, later.”
HE jumps up from the couch and leaves.
FEZ: “Well, it looks like it's just you and me little buddy.”
HYDE: “Yeah Fez, which is really wrong man, ‘cause I had plans with Donna until Forman snaked me.”
FEZ: “Who would've thought she would rather go to a nice restaurant than a smelly old library?”
HYDE doesn't say a word. FEZ punches him lightly on the arm. HYDE doesn't react.
FEZ: “You will laugh later.”
RED comes in and holds the door for someone.
KITTY: “So, let me see!”
RED: “Go ahead, show your mother!”
ERIC comes in wearing a brown jacket.
KITTY: “Oh my Gosh! That is snazzy. That is a snazzy jacket!”
RED: “Damn good thing I went with him. He wanted to buy a leisure suit!”
ERIC: “Oh, come on dad, leisure suits are cool. Everybody wears them!”
RED: “Leisure suits are for dumbasses. Believe me!”
BOB and MIDGE come in. HE is wearing a leisure suit.
BOB: “Hey there Eric! Oh, looking sharp for your big date uh?”
MIDGE: “Oh, who knew our two little tights will grow up to be dating!”
KITTY: “Oh, no, I have an idea! Let's have dinner tomorrow night, just the parents. Oh, I'll fondue!”
MIDGE: “Oh yeah, and that will give us a chance to talk about their future.”
KITTY, winking at ERIC : “Oh right, we can plan a big wedding!”
ERIC: “I know you're joking, but could you please stop?”
THE PARENTS start all talking at the same time. ERIC looks like he's gonna bolt.
JACKIE: “I don't believe you Michael!”
JACKIE: “You can't just maul me in front of my father!”
KELSO: “He didn't even notice!”
JACKIE: “He yelled at you to stop it.”
KELSO: “Oh, I thought he was talking to you!”
JACKIE: “Okay, Michael, we have a problem. Ever since we, we…”
KELSO: “Did it!”
JACKIE: “Can you please use a more beautiful term?”
KELSO: “Like what?”
JACKIE: “Well, like proved our love.”
KELSO: “Yeah, but did it sounds so much cooler.”
JACKIE: “Okay, just take me to the mall!”
KELSO: “We're not really going shopping, are we?”
JACKIE: “Yes, I need clogs!”
RED: “God, darn, that is a snazzy jacket! Yes sir! Brown is your color!”
ERIC: “Thanks dad.”
KITTY comes out with a camera.
ERIC: “No, no, no, mom, no, no, no!”
SHE puts down the camera. RED takes out his wallet.
RED: “Now let me tell you something. Order the dinner, all the cuts are suckers bet. And remember. Pull the chair out for her, small fork is for the salad and this jacket's gotta last you all the way through college so don't spill any crap on it!”
HE gives him some money.
RED: “Here you go, have fun.”
DONNA, BOB and MIDGE come over. The PARENTS make a fuss over the two of them.
DONNA: “Shall we?”
ERIC: “Good god yes!”
THEY move to the car. MIDGE takes out a camera too and starts taking pictures.
KITTY: “Oh now, if she gets to do it, I get to do it!”
SHE starts taking pictures too. ERIC tries to dodge the flashes.
RED: “Kitty, Kitty!”
ERIC finally gets in the car and closes the door.
ERIC: “Wow, talk about pressure huh?”
DONNA: “Yeah, I mean this is a huge deal… to our parents.”
ERIC starts the car. The eight track player starts. SONG: “Disco Lady”
SINGER: “Move it in, move it out, shove it in, shove it out, Disco Lady hey!”
WE realize that it's KELSO'S Super Funk eight track.
ERIC and DONNA look uncomfortable.
HYDE and FEZ are shooting some hoops.
FEZ: “So what do you wanna do?”
HYDE: “I don't know man, what do you wanna do?”
FEZ: “Oh, let's go to the Hub. I got my eye on this plump girl.”
HYDE: “Sounds good man, but I'll pass!”
FEZ: “Poor Hyde!”
FEZ: “You love Donna and she's with your good friend Eric.”
FEZ: “And that's the oldest story in the world. And a sad one at that.”
HYDE: “You know what man? I had a chance, and I didn't take it. And once Forman gives her that ring man, they're going out! And it would be really scummy to hit on her then. Not that I wouldn't do it, it'd just be really scummy!”
FEZ: “If you don't tell Donna how you feel, then you will regret it.”
HYDE throws the ball to FEZ.
HYDE: “I'm going to the Vineyard.”
FEZ: “Good for you. Oh, just don't tell Eric what I said because I really like his basement.”
ERIC: “Well, this is quite a menu!”
DONNA: “Yeah! You got enough money?”
ERIC: “Oh, yeah, for me. Oh, I'm sorry, were you gonna eat something too?”
DONNA: “Actually, I'm in the mood for chicken.”
ERIC: “Oh, what a coincidence, I too am ordering the cheapest thing on the menu.”
DONNA: “You look really nice tonight.”
ERIC: “Oh, so do you. Look, Donna…”
A WAITER comes over.
WAITER: “Hello! Can I start you folks off with drinks?”
ERIC: “Well sure.”
ERIC coughs and uses a much deeper voice than usual.
ERIC: “I'll have a beer.”
DONNA, pointing to another table : “Um, I'd like an ice tea.”
WAITER nods and goes .
ERIC: “He didn't even proof me!”
DONNA: “It must be the jacket!”
ERIC: “Or my sideburns!”
DONNA: “What sideburns?”
HE shows her his face. His face doesn't have a hair on it.
ERIC: “These sideburns, right, these sideburns…”
FORMAN DINING ROOM
KITTY comes in with a fondue sauce-pan.
KITTY: “You know, I don't know why they call it fondue, they should call it fundo ‘cause it is fun!”
MIDGE: “I love fondue, it's gourmet!”
RED: “So, what do we do here Kitty?”
KITTY: “Okay, now, um, what you do is you, um, you put a piece of steak on your fondue fork.”
BOB reaches over and is about to touch the oil with his hand.
BOB: “Now, how hot exactly is the…”
KITTY: “No, no, no. Bob that is a fun don't! Don't put your hand in the hot oil!”
RED: “Who knew you couldn't put your hand in the hot oil?”
THEY start putting their forks in the hot oil.
WAITER comes over with their orders.
DONNA: “Here chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken!”
ERIC: “Donna, shh, please.”
DONNA: “Oh, sorry.”
ERIC: “Are, are you okay?”
THE WAITER puts DONNA'S plate in front of her.
DONNA: “I am great!”
ERIC: “I think you're drunk!”
DONNA: “I think I am too! How could I be drunk?”
WAITER: “Well, there's about five shots of alcohol in the Long Island Ice Tea.”
ERIC: “Wait, Long Island Ice Tea?”
WAITER: “Yeah, well you guys ordered drinks…”
DONNA: “And I'm ready for another one!”
ERIC: “No, she's good! Thank you, Thanks, Thank you, Thank you, Thanks!”
DONNA: “I love your little butt Eric!”
DONNA: “ It's so little! And you're so good Eric, you're so darn good!”
ERIC: “I think it's coffee time.”
DONNA: “You're so good it makes me hot!”
ERIC: “Or time for another ice tea maybe.”
DONNA: “Sing to me Eric!”
ERIC: “No, I don't sing…”
DONNA: “Sing me a song!”
ERIC: “I don't really…”
DONNA: “Do it or I'll scream!”
ERIC: “Move it in, move it out, shove it in, shove it out! Disco Lady! Move it in, move it out, shove it in all about…”
JACKIE and KELSO get back in the car.
KELSO: “Well Jackie, it's now nine o'clock, which means that every shoe store in the greater Oshkosh area is closed for the night. So, what do you wanna do now?”
JACKIE: “Hey! Let's go look at the new Corvettes!”
KELSO: “Oh Yeah! I mean, no. That just sounds boring.”
JACKIE: “Well, what do you wanna do?”
KELSO: “Oh, I don't know. Oh wait, you know what we could do, we could prove our love to each other again.”
JACKIE: “No Michael, we're not gonna prove our love every single time we have a chance!”
KELSO: “Why not?”
JACKIE: “Because it doesn't work like that! And just because we did it once does not mean we're ever gonna do it again.”
KELSO: “Okay, well now you're just talking crazy!”
JACKIE: “No Michael, no I am not! And if you think that's how it's gonna work Michael, well, then you're wrong.”
KELSO: “Well, damn Jackie! So, I spend all night looking for your, your stupid shoes and we're not even gonna do…”
JACKIE: “Are you sure you're okay with that?”
JACKIE: “Okay, let's do it!”
KELSO looks at her and jumps over her.
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
MONTAGE: THE PARENTS are eating their fondue.
RED stabs the fork in the sauce pan. His piece of stek falls in.
KITTY gets splashed .
BOB swallows some of the burning hot fondue .
MIDGE touches some of the fondue on her fork with her fingers.
MIDGE: “Ah ah!”
RED burns himself with some hot oil.
KITTY has some of the melted cheese on her lower lip.
MIDGE eats some of the melted cheese on her fork.
BOB gets splashed with the hot oil.
BOB: “My eye!”
ERIC is sitting in front of DONNA with his hand on his forehead. DONNA starts jumping up and down with the chair.
DONNA: “God, it's so crowded in here! Eric, meet me under the table!”
SHE goes under the table.
ERIC: “Donna, no, look, well… no. “
HE gets up and gets HER back in a chair.
ERIC: “Look, Donna. Come on, waiter, waiter! Could… uh, okay. I'm gonna go get you some coffee so no going under the table, and no singing. I'll be right back.”
SHE slams her fist on the table.
DONNA, in a hushed up tone : “People, the chicken here is excellent!”
HYDE comes in.
DONNA hits a GUY sitting in a neighboring table.
DONNA: “Hey, Hyde's here! Hi Hyde!”
HYDE: “Hey Donna, uh, where's Forman?”
DONNA points behind her.
HYDE takes off his sunglasses.
HYDE: “Okay, look, I'm just gonna say this alright. Donna, I have feelings for you and I think that you have feelings for me. And Forman's gonna give you his ring, and I hope that before you take it, you'll think about…”
DONNA pushes his nose.
DONNA puts on his sunglasses and ERIC comes back.
DONNA: “Hey Eric, Hyde's here! Heidi, Heidi, Heidi, Heidi!”
ERIC: “Hey, we're on a date here!”
HYDE: “Yeah man, well, you shouldn't be because we're supposed to be at the library!”
ERIC: “Hyde, if she wanted to be at the library, she'd be at the library!”
DONNA: “Oh my God!”
ERIC: “Oh my God, wait, what do you mean by ‘Oh my God!' ?”
DONNA: “Oh my God!”
SHE gets up and runs off, holding her mouth.
ERIC: “Oh my God! Oh my God! Look, when my date's done puking, you'd better not be here!”
ERIC follows DONNA. HYDE sits down. A WAITER comes by.
HYDE: “Excuse me, hi! Could I get this in a doggie bag please? Thanks. Oh, and I'm in a hurry!”
JACKIE: “I feel so close to you Michael! Michael and Jackie, Jackie and Michael! Doesn't that sound good? Michael and Jackie, true love, always, forever.”
JACKIE: “Forever! Dances, long walks, candles, flowers, babies, house, chocolate chip…”
SHE continues the list but her voice changes to a devil like tone. KELSO doesn't move. HE is grinning in a weird, still manner.
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
MIDGE is doing some sort of theatrical thing.
MIDGE: “Jonathan Siegal discovered that boredom, fear and anger are the reasons Seigal's life is so short. And with this gone from his thought, he lived a long fine life indeed!”
BOB gets up and applauses.
BOB: “Isn't she a hot tomato? Oh, jeez! To the love making!”
HE lifts MIDGE up on his shoulder and they go.
MIDGE: “We had a wonderful time!”
RED: “My god!”
KITTY: “Shh! Shh! Shh!”
SHE goes to the door and sees that they're gone.
KITTY: “Okay, they're gone!”
RED: “They used to be normal! What the hell happened to them?”
KITTY: “Well, I don't know! How can she not eat meat? That can't be healthy!”
THEY sit down on the couch.
RED: “Remember when we used to go on vacation together? Bob and I used to go fishing and drink beers!”
KITTY: “I mean we used to have fun with them!”
RED: “Now they're in every fad there is! Things change Kitty!”
KITTY: “Well, we don't.”
RED: “Well, we don't have to, we're classic.”
THEY kiss and image changes to an old cartoon strip.
RED: “You know, Midge wasn't wearing a bra tonight.”
KITTY: “Yeah, Bob wasn't wearing underwear.”
DONNA and ERIC are sitting at a table, drinking coffee. THE HUB is empty .
DONNA: “Thanks for holding my hair when I was...”
ERIC: “Oh, just thanks for missing my shoes!”
DONNA: “Well, I guess, I guess I blew our big night.”
ERIC: “No, no! Look it's cool. I mean I thought I was gonna blow and then I mean you totally blew it. So, I mean it's great!”
DONNA: “ You know, by telling me I blew it, you basically just blew it. Kidding.”
ERIC: “And I was doing so good here with the jacket and the coffee, holding your hair back. I was so in.”
DONNA: “You're still in.”
ERIC: “Look, Donna, I want to be your boyfriend and you're all I ever think about and will you wear my class ring?”
THEY lean towards each other and just before they kiss, DONNA puts her hand over her mouth.
DONNA: “You know why don't we kiss on it later?”
ERIC: “Oh, right, the vomiting.”
THEY lean back on their chairs again.
ERIC: “No wait, you know what? I don't care, you're my girlfriend!”
THE BASEMENT, THE CIRCLE
HYDE: “So, Forman man, I'm sorry about tonight with Donna.”
HE takes a bite out of a chicken leg, which is ERIC'S dinner.
HYDE: “Oh, and for taking your dinner! So, are we cool man?”
ERIC: “Yeah man, we've got to be. Look, we've been friends since kindergarten, no girl's gonna come between us!”
HYDE: “That's great man. So, if Donna ever breaks up with you and starts dating me, are we still friends?”
ERIC laughs. And takes from HYDE the piece of chicken.
HE takes a huge bite.
KELSO: “Tonight, I learned that there's a price to be paid for doing it. She said forever man! And I think that she meant it!
FEZ: “The inside of my mouth feels like cotton, as if cotton was in my mouth!”
HYDE: “Kelso man, women are like muffins, okay? And once you've had a muffin man, you will put up with anything to have another muffin! And they know that! Now she really owns you man!”
ERIC is holding a chicken bone in his hand. HE finished it all.
ERIC: “Hyde, you sure know a lot about women, but I mean, you've never really had a steady girlfriend, so, what's that all about?”
HYDE: “I'll tell you what that's all about Forman. My mind is pure man! I don't fall victim to the female race. I'm here, sans girlfriend, to help you guys out.”
FEZ: “Then I have a question Hyde. How much masturbation is too much?”
HYDE: “No such thing is too much Fez!”