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#504 : Coeur brisé


Titre original:
Heartbreaker (2)
Réalisé par: David Trainer
Écrit par: Kristin Newman
Guests: Tom Poston (Burt Sigurdson) et Betty White (Bea Sigurdson)
Date de diffusion: 29 octobre 2002

Les parents de Kitty arrivent de Phoenix, abasourdis par la nouvelle. Et Kelso et Hyde dressent une liste de leurs différences.
Bétisier (VO)
Bétisier (VO)

  

Plus de détails

TEASER

(Forman kitchen, right where we last left off. Kelso has just spotted Jackie and Hyde.)

KELSO: (Chuckles) Why is Hyde kissing Jackie? (Eric and Donna stay silent with sympathetic looks on their faces.) What the hell? He's dead.

DONNA: Kelso!

(Kelso storms to the door and tries to open it but can't as Jackie and Hyde leave together.)

KELSO: Open, damn it! No, they're getting away! What is wrong with this thing?

ERIC: Well, this is against my better judgment, but… (He reaches over and flips the lock).

KELSO: Thank you. Now, Hyde's really dead. (He walks through the door but runs into the screen and stops as it falls through the framing.) Ow! That's invisible!

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

(Forman kitchen where we last left off. Eric guides Kelso to sit down at the table then turns to Donna.)

ERIC: Donna, we have to stabilize him. We're gonna need pudding and lots of it.

(Donna nods and walks to the fridge.)

KELSO: Who chooses a chick over a friend?

ERIC: What? Kelso, come on. Remember when you made me walk home in a blizzard because you wanted ten extra minutes to make out with Pam Macy?

KELSO: No, but I didn't steal Pam Macy from you, and you could've played in the snow until we were done.

DONNA: Kelso, try to look at the facts. Jackie wanted to get married, so you bailed, so she found someone else, so now she doesn't want to marry you. This solves your problem. Albeit with an unpleasant twist ending.

KELSO: No, I don't care. I'm kicking Hyde's ass.

ERIC: Whoa, Kelso, Kelso, come on. You couldn't open my kitchen door. I mean…

DONNA: Seriously. Think about how this plan usually turns out.

[FLASHBACKS]

(Forman basement, Kelso spits a wad of gum out into Hyde's hair. Hyde grabs him around the neck and pulls him down onto the couch backwards.)

KELSO: Aah! (Hyde grabs Kelso's head.) Unh! That's my eye!

(Forman porch by the driveway. Hyde walks out of the kitchen with a plate of food.)

HYDE: Heh, heh, heh! Nice. (He sets the food down on the railing and walks back in the kitchen for a moment. Kelso takes the opportunity and licks everything on the plate.)

ERIC: Uh-oh.

(Hyde comes back out with a glass of milk and notices what Kelso's doing and grabs him in a headlock. They wrestle a bit.)

KELSO: Ow! My eye! (He storms home.)

(Forman driveway. Hyde is waxing the El Camino. He walks into the garage for a moment. Kelso stands up and pulls his pants down and sits on the hood of the car, leaving a butt print. Hyde comes out and sees it.)

HYDE: Bastard!

KELSO: (Running and laughing.) No, stop! It's my butt print. Look at it! No two are the same-ow! (Hyde tackles Kelso.) My eye!

[end FLASHBACKS]

(Forman kitchen, back in the current time.)

KELSO: What am I supposed to do? I mean, he broke the code. He's wrong.

DONNA: You know what? You're right.

KELSO: He's like my oldest friend, and he stabbed me in the back.

(Donna smiles and hands him the large bowl of pudding. He takes it and begins eating it.)

DONNA: (sits down.) So, Kelso, how many things around here have you put your butt on?

KELSO: Let's start with what I haven't put my butt on.

SCENE TWO

(Forman kitchen, Red is sitting at the table, Kitty's at the phone, and Hyde and Eric are at the counter.)

KITTY: Oh, just a moment. Red, it's somebody about buying the Corvette.

RED: Ugh.

ERIC: (in a wussy English accent) Well, Marlin, we've just seen the male of the herd grunt his displeasure. But what does it mean?

HYDE: The grunting indicates aggression, Jim.

ERIC: Ahh!

RED: Idiots. I am about to sell something special to me because we're having another baby, and to do that, I have to believe that this child won't turn out a smart ass. (The boys walk to the table and sit down. Red picks up the receiver.) Hello. Yes. Don't call here again. (He slams the receiver down and walks back to the table with Kitty following him.)

KITTY: Well, what happened?

RED: Oh, the guy sounded like he was eating. I don't want some fat bastard eating in my car.

KITTY: Anyway, I'm going to the doctor's this afternoon (continues in singsong voice) because I'm pregnant! (She points at Eric.) Oh, oh, and you're picking your grandparents up from the airport. I'm going to tell them that (continues in singsong voice) I'm pregnant!

RED: They get in from Phoenix at 5:00. You know, I was hoping when they moved to Arizona they'd get lost in the desert. (Kitty looks at him unamused.)

HYDE: What's wrong with Mrs. Forman's parents.

KITTY: Nothing. They're just-they're…very complicated people who can't be summed up in a couple of words.

ERIC: Grandma yells. Grandpa drinks.

RED: That pretty much summed it up.

KITTY: Now, that is not true. My father is a wonderful man who just gets a little sleepy. And my mother, well…fine, is a little remote. Which, I have learned through many helpful books, makes it impossible for her to say "I love you." Even if it's the only thing in the world a sad little girl needs to hear. (She turns to Eric.) And which is why I say it to you every day. Eric, I love you. (She hugs him and gives him a kiss as Hyde laughs. She turns to him.) And you, too, Steven. I love you! (She gives him a hug and kiss, too.)

HYDE: Yeah, no, that's okay, you don't have to-no, that's all right-ok, I love you, too!

*********

(Forman basement, Eric and Donna sit next to each other on the couch and Hyde sits on the opposite arm of the couch.)

KELSO: I can't believe that you knew that Jackie and Hyde were together and you didn't tell me.

ERIC: We…barely knew.

DONNA: Yeah, we knew, but we were in denial because it's so unnatural.

ERIC: Like radioactive spiders.

KELSO: Well, that's true. It's just, how could Hyde do this to me?

(Kitty and Fez walk down the stairs.)

KITTY: Uh-oh, sounds like he knows.

FEZ: Finally.

KELSO: What, your mom knew?! And Fez?! Fez never knows anything!

FEZ: I know. I'm really coming into my own.

KELSO: Whatever. You know, none of this is as bad as Hyde not telling me. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make him tell me.

DONNA: How are you gonna do that?

KELSO: By outwitting him conversationally. What a fine game of cat and mouse it will be.

KITTY: I'm gonna go find an eye patch. (She runs up the stairs. Fez sits down in Hyde's chair.)

ERIC: So what are you gonna say?

KELSO: Oh, it'll come to me in the moment.

DONNA: Don't you think you should plan it out a little?

KELSO: Does an astronaut plan out his missions?

FEZ: What happens in cat and mouse if the cat is retarded?

KELSO: Oh, you just wait and see.

(Hyde walks in and Kelso gets up out of the chair and clears his throat.)

HYDE: What's up?

KELSO: That's an interesting question, *Hyde*. What *is* up?

HYDE: Well, I guess you know about me and Jackie.

KELSO: Aha! So the battle of wits has begun!

HYDE: What battle of wits? I admit it. I'm messing around with Jackie.

KELSO: I hate you! (He runs at Hyde, who dodges and knocks him into the speaker.) Ow! My eye! (He storms out of the basement and Hyde turns to the others.)

SCENE THREE

(The vista cruiser, Burt and Bea are in the front seat with Burt driving. Eric and Donna are in the back seat.)

DONNA: Thanks again for the dream catchers.

BURT: A blind Indian with three fingers made those. It was quite a thing to watch.

ERIC: Wow, I wonder if him being blind had something to do with the losing the fingers.

BEA: Actually, I think they were taken as part of a primitive manhood ritual.

DONNA: So, Eric, I kind of like your grandparents. What were you so worried about?

ERIC: Wait for it.

BEA: Burt, Sweetie, I think that car's trying to pass. Why don't you move over?

BURT: Oh, he's fine.

BEA: Honey, I really think you should move over.

BURT: Sweetie, he can go around.

BEA: (yelling) Move!

BURT: I'm moving.

(Donna looks at Eric with a wary expression. He gives her an "I told you so" look.)

SCENE FOUR

(Pinciotti kitchen. Donna is making a sandwich and Jackie is watching her.)

DONNA: And when he saw you guys kissing, he just fell apart. I mean, it was awful. And then he ran into the screen door.

JACKIE: Ohh. He's just so bad at doors.

DONNA: Look… if you don't work things out with Kelso everybody's gonna choose sides and nobody's gonna be friends anymore. (They walk to the table; Donna's carrying two sandwiches and places them down onto the table.)

JACKIE: Well, that's not my fault. Look, he deserted me. He broke my heart. I didn't do anything wrong.

DONNA: (she pulls two cans of soda from the fridge.) You're dating his best friend! You've gotta talk to him. You owe him an explanation.

JACKIE: Ugh! That's just so not the way I wanted to spend the day.

DONNA: Well, I didn't want to spend the day wiping tears and pudding off of Kelso's cheek.

*********

(Forman living room. Red is in his chair, Bea and Eric on the couch, and Burt at the bar with a full glass of scotch.)

BEA: Burt, honey, why don't you come over and sit with us?

BURT: I'm fine here.

BEA: We'd really like it if you would sit and join the party.

BURT: I'm part of the party right here.

BEA: (Yells) Sit!

(Everyone jumps and Burt sits down next to Eric. There is an awkward silence.)

RED: So, Burt, you're looking fit.

BURT: Dry heat and central air, that's the key.

RED: Uh-huh.

BURT: I've even got an air-conditioned garage. We could go from the house to the car without ever feeling the heat.

ERIC: Wow. They literally never have to breathe fresh air, wow!

BEA: Who needs it?

RED: Yep. Well, those are some real nice sandals, Burt. Hardly ever see those on men.

BEA: Also made by the handicapped Indian. What spirit.

(Kitty walks in from the kitchen and stops when she sees her family.)

KITTY: Oh, um, everybody's here. (Everyone stands up.) Hello, mom, daddy.

RED: Kitty, tell everyone your wonderful news. Quick.

KITTY: Um, I'd really rather not right now, Red.

BEA: But that's why were here.

ERIC: Yeah, for the love of God, mom, tell them.

KITTY: No, I said not right now.

RED: Kitty, they came all this way.

ERIC: Yeah, come on.

KITTY: Fine. You want to hear the big news? The doctor told me I started menopause.

BEA: Kitty! Language!

RED: You're not pregnant?

KITTY: No, no, just barren. Talk about that. (She storms out of the room. And Red goes after her.)

ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

(Forman Kitchen. Kitty is making cookies and Red and Eric are watching her, unsure of what to do.)

ERIC: Mom, I'm really sorry. I knew you wanted a baby, but I'm not really sure what to say, I'm not really sure what menopause is. Are you gonna, like, lose your hair?

(Kitty glares at him.)

RED: Shut up. She's not losing anything. This just means-from time to time-a woman's body-ahem! Kitty, explain it to the boy.

(Kitty glares at him and Bea walks in.)

BEA: I'm just getting some juice.

ERIC: Hey, mom. Maybe you should talk to grandma about this.

RED: Well, that's an idea. I mean, we're just ignoramuses.

KITTY: Ok, ok, scoot.

(Red and Eric walk to the door.)

ERIC: Is it-is it like a lady parts thing?

RED: We'll look it up in the world book.

BEA: Oh, those cookies look good.

KITTY: Well, thanks. I'm sorry I made a scene.

BEA: Oh, you were just tired.

KITTY: No, I wasn't just tired. Mom, I'm having a really hard time here. Did it hit you this hard, too?

BEA: Did what, Dear?

KITTY: Menopause.

BEA: Oh! I never had it.

KITTY: Mom, everybody has it.

BEA: Well, I've always been quite health-conscious. I told you to eat more vegetables.

KITTY: You cannot expect me to believe that you never went through menopause.

BEA: Well, I didn't.

KITTY: Yes, you did!

BEA: Well, it doesn't matter, because it's not nice to talk about.

KITTY: Well, not everything that needs to be talked about has to be nice. Mom, why don't you ever really talk to me?

BEA: I told you I liked your cookies. I'm gonna find your father. (She walks out the sliding door and yells.) Burt!

BURT: (Peeking into the kitchen.) Is she gone?

KITTY: You know, that woman is crazy.

BURT: Your mother just doesn't know how to talk to people. If she yells at you, she really means that she's sorry you're upset. And if she breaks all your golf clubs, she really means "Happy Anniversary."

KITTY: Oh, daddy, I love you. (She gives him a hug, which he returns.)

BURT: I love you, pumpkin, and so does your mother.

BEA: (Yelling from outside.) Burt!

BURT: You never saw me. (He leaves the kitchen via the living room door.)

*********

(Forman basement. Fez and Donna are sitting on the couch and Hyde is putting a record on the record player. Kelso storms in wearing ski goggles. He grabs the record out of Hyde's hands and throws it across the room.)

KELSO: Try to get my eye now! (Hyde looks at him a moment then kicks his knee.) Aah!

(A few minutes later Kelso is laying across the couch with Hyde sitting on his back, pinning him down.)

KELSO: Hyde, get off!

HYDE: Not until you calm down!

FEZ: (Gives Kelso a wet willy.) Ahh! A wet one!

KELSO: Fez, I'm gonna get free eventually, and I'm gonna kick your ass.

(Fez gives him another wet willy.)

HYDE: Kelso, look, man, we need to settle this.

KELSO: No, I don't want to settle this. I don't want to talk about it. All I want to do is pound you so you can feel as bad as I do!

HYDE: (Thinks about it and stands up.) Fine. Fair enough. Go ahead and hit me. A free shot.

KELSO: You gonna hit me back?

HYDE: No, man. That's why they call it a free shot.

KELSO: Oh. Ok. Get ready. Here it comes. It's coming. Get ready.

FEZ: We're ready! Do it, fool!

KELSO: You know what? Forget it. It's not gonna change anything. I just…forget it. (He sits down on the couch.)

HYDE: Look, Kelso…I didn't plan for this, but…look, I'm sorry, ok? I'm-I'm really sorry.

FEZ & DONNA: Aww!

HYDE: Would you get bent?

KELSO: So what are we gonna do now?

DONNA: I'll tell you what you guys are gonna do. You two are gonna shake hands, and you're gonna be done with it.

KELSO: Nuh-uh.

DONNA: Come on. Give it a try. Shake hands.

KELSO: I don't wanna.

DONNA: (Yells.) Shake!

(Everyone jumps and Kelso and Hyde shake hands half-heartedly.)

*********

(Forman porch between kitchen and driveway. Kelso has an ice pack on his eye and is pouting. Jackie walks up.)

JACKIE: Hey.

KELSO: Well, well. Look who it is.

JACKIE: Ugh. Look, Michael, I'm glad I found you. How's your eye?

KELSO: What do you care?

JACKIE: Ok, look, Michael, I know we should've told you sooner, but I'm not gonna say I'm sorry, because I wanted you, and you left and broke my heart. And I like Steven now, so you need to get over it so we can be friends again.

KELSO: Apology accepted.

JACKIE: (Grabs the ice pack.) Here, let me help you. (She reapplies the pack to the sore area.)

KELSO: Ow! My eye.

JACKIE: Yeah.

*********

(Red and Kitty's bedroom. Kitty is putting curlers in her hair and Red enters.)

RED: Hey. How you doing?

KITTY: Oh, great. It's so nice to no longer be a woman.

RED: Kitty, that's not true. You know I've been-I've been trying to think what I could do to make you feel better, and I finally came up with something. (He sits down next to Kitty.) I sent your parents home early.

KITTY: That kind of helps. I just-I really wanted to be pregnant.

RED: You know what the real kicker is? This morning, when we thought you were still pregnant, I sold my Corvette.

(Kitty looks at him and begins laughing hysterically. She gives him a hug.)

SCENE TWO

(Forman living room. Red and Eric are sitting on the couch looking at the World Book.)

ERIC: "Memorial day, meningitis-" Ok, here we go. "Menopause."

RED: Good God. I didn't think they'd have pictures.

ERIC: Well…at least they use the word "uterus" a lot.

RED: I could've gone a whole lifetime without knowing they had a mucus membrane.

ERIC: You know, you just-you can't unlearn something like that, you know? Oh, no, look at the symptoms. "Temperamental behavior, mood swings, facial hair." Uh-oh, dad…I think you have menopause.

(Red shoots annoyed looks at Eric.)

TAG

(Vista Cruiser, Eric is driving, Burt is next to him in the front seat. Donna and Bea are in the back seat.)

DONNA: Hey, Eric, can you hand me a cookie?

ERIC: Um, I can't reach while I'm driving.

DONNA: Come on, please? Just one cookie.

ERIC: Just wait till I stop.

DONNA: (Yells.) Cookie!

(Eric reaches down and hands her a cookie.)

BEA: You know, Donna, you catch more flies with sugar. Right, Burt?

(Burt snores, faking sleeping. Everyone looks at him.)





FADE OUT
END OF SHOW

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Sonmi451 (17:14)

ou alors certaines écoles, c'est jusqu'à 16h30 mais vendredi aprem' il bosse pas

CastleBeck (17:14)

Cette idée d'avoir juste une demi-journée... ou encore d'Avoir les samedis matins...

serieserie (17:14)

après lpa si tu étais pas concernée ni tes frères et soeurs, tu n'avais pas a t'y intéressée x)

serieserie (17:15)

quand j'étais petite (sonmi je pense que c'était pareil pour toi) c'était 9h30/12h 13h30/16h30 tous les jours et 3 samedi matin sur 4 en gros d'école

Sonmi451 (17:15)

et il commence l'aprem' à 13h45 d'où quand t'es maman qui bosse à la maison, au foyer, tu vois pas l'aprem' passé, tu as le temps de rien

Sonmi451 (17:16)

je peux même pas faire de vraies courses l'aprem', t'imagines tu reviens à 14h00 environ pour repartir vers 15h30

Sonmi451 (17:17)

sinon pour moi c'était 08h30/11h30 et 13h30/16h30 sur 4 jours.

serieserie (17:17)

beh tu avais de la chance toi!

leptitange (17:17)

moi j'avais cours les samedisbquand j'etais CP/CE1

CastleBeck (17:18)

Bah, nous, c'est du lundi au vendredi, jamais de cours le samedi (Ça laisse le temps pour les cours de natation, de karaté, le hockey... et cie les week-ends )

leptitange (17:18)

moi c'était pareil

serieserie (17:18)

j'ai eu cours 3 samedi matin sur 4 pendant tooute ma primaire ^^

serieserie (17:18)

nous y a le mercredi pour ça ^^

Sonmi451 (17:19)

Ben pour moi j'ai eu le meilleur des rythmes.

Sonmi451 (17:20)

après au collège, c'était 8h/12h 14h/17h

Sonmi451 (17:20)

et mercredi 08h/12h

serieserie (17:20)

beh college moi ça dépendait des jours et des années

Sonmi451 (17:21)

et au lycée 8h/12h et 14h/18h + mercredi 8h/12h

Sonmi451 (17:21)

+ le samedi en seconde 8h/12h

serieserie (17:21)

le pire c'était mon année de 1ere.... lundi 8h/18h, mardi 8h/18, mercredi 9h/12h, jeudi 8h/18h, vendredi 10h/18h samedi 8h/12h

Sonmi451 (17:21)

et le vendredi on finissait souvent à 15h

serieserie (17:21)

et je reprenais à 13h le midi

Sonmi451 (17:22)

et je parle pas de la fac de medecine, je vivais medecine, dormait medecine, mangeait medecine

CastleBeck (17:22)

Au secondaire, c'était 9h à 15h45 (pause de 11h45 à 13h). 4 cours de 75 minutes. Je ne me souviens plus pour le primaire.

Sonmi451 (17:22)

on reprennait en septembre et les premières vacances c'était noel sachant que bon tu avais les partiels en janvier ^^

serieserie (17:31)

oui medecine c'est l'horreur x)

CastleBeck (17:38)

Cette idée de vouloir faire médecine, aussi

serieserie (17:53)

beh voui voyons!

leptitange (18:07)

castiel en couche culotte

leptitange (18:07)

castiel en couche culotte

sabby (19:11)

Lucifer et Gotham sont de retour ce soir ! Leur vidéo promo ont été ajouté à la chaine youtube de la citadelle Bon visionnage !

Margauxd (21:14)

Bonjour à tous !
Quiz sur la première saison de Blindspot sur le quartier.
Venez sauvez la terre sur The Last Ship d'un virus mortel.
Les premiers Awards de New York Unité Spéciale sont sur le quartier.
N'hésitez pas à participer ou à voter

emeline53 (21:41)

Pas encore de participant pour les différentes animations de la St Valentin sur The Fosters ! Des intéressés ?

Sonmi451 (10:03)

Merci de voter les thèmes dans préférence histoire qu'on avance un peu. ^^

natas (18:44)

Bonjour à tous, Sur Grimm nouveau sondage sur les premiers épisode de la saison 6 ! (avec spoilers) venez voter et commenter si vous avez vu les épisodes !!

leila36 (21:00)

Venez voter dans les préférences svp !

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Nouveau sondage sur le quartier de CSI NY ! N'hésitez pas à venir voter Merci d'avance

emeline53 (12:53)

Un nouveau sondage est en ligne sur UnReal !

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Si vous n'avez pas encore vu le nouveau calendrier du quartier "Elementary" ainsi que son design, n'hésitez pas à venir donner votre avis !

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Le quartier Esprits Criminels vous propose un nouveau sondage, un petit vote serait bien sympathique, merci !

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La NL du quartier 24 reprend du service et sera envoyée dans les 24h chrono. Pensez à vous abonner si vous voulez la recevoir !

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Je vous attend avec impatience sur the glades pour participer au focus ! Allez hop on s'inscrit pour participer !!

cinto (19:48)

Si vous connaissez Brian Kinney (Queer As folk), n'hésitez pas à la soutenir dans le sondage "Bad Boys" chez Dr House. Et son titre ne serait pas usurpé...mais quel charme!

serieserie (13:29)

Si des personnes veulent s'inscrire pour l'HypnoGame de Grey's Anatomy qui aura lieu CE SAMEDI c'est le dernier moment dès demain matin ça sera trop tard!!!

Profilage (18:39)

Nouveau sondage sur Esprits Criminels, un petit vote ? Merci !

cinto (22:54)

Demain, 20 Janvier, dernier jour pour poster vos cartes de voeux 2017 pour la quartier Ma sorcière Bien Aimée. Gros merci à celles qui ont participé.

Sonmi451 (13:48)

Merci de venir voter dans préférence.

CastleBeck (17:52)

Sondage tout neuf sur Orange Is The New Black ... En plus, vous n'avez pas besoin de connaitre la série pour voter!

lizzy69 (21:52)

Bonsoir à toutes et tous, n'hésitez à passer sur les quartiers ROME et The Tudors, afin de nous aider à redonner vie aux différents forums merci pour votre participation

CastleBeck (14:02)

Nouvelle photo du mois sur OITNB... et nouveau sondage depuis hier.

lachieuse (17:26)

Nouveau design sur le quartier New Girl, par serieserie, n'hésitez pas à venir le commenter

Locksley (19:59)

@serie² : merci pour l'organisation de la soirée HypnoGame ce soir ! Enjoy ! Bonne chance aux équipes !!

serieserie (21:43)

Grande partie d'HypnoGame en cours venez nous rejoindre!!!!

lizzy69 (08:36)

Bonjour à toutes et tous, n'hésitez à passer sur les quartiers ROME et The Tudors, afin de nous aider à redonner vie aux différents forums

cinto (15:45)

Voilà, les cartes de Voeux pour 2017 sont soumises au vote chez Ma sorcière Bien aimée. Inutile de connaître la série, juste voir, apprécier, choisir et voter. Merci pour vos votes et aux membres qui ont eu la gentillesse de créer ces cartes.

serieserie (18:03)

N'oubliez pas de voter dans les préférences, des thèmes et des bannières attendent vos votes!

CastleBeck (18:41)

Avant l'arrivée de Orange Is The New Black sur la télé française, le quartier vous propose un nouveau sondage et une nouvelle photo du mois... Même pas besoin de connaitre la série

CastleBeck (16:17)

Il y a de jolies bannières et de beaux thèmes qui attendent dans les préférences. Les quartiers concernés seront ravis de vos votes.

serieserie (17:58)

Nouveau design sur Lucifer! Venez donner votre avis! Alors plutôt ou plutôt ?

leptitange (18:04)

vous aimerez voir castiel en couplle avec qui ? moi avec roweena

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