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~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
The Bronze. Buffy, Willow and Oz are sitting at a bar, nursing sodas and
snacks. Buffy seems preoccupied as she idly plays with a cookie.
Cordelia and Xander walk behind them and take a place at the end of the
Cordelia: I think we should get a limo.
Xander: A limo?
Xander: A big, expensive limo?
Willow: That sounds like fun! And it is our last Homecoming Dance, so
maybe we should make a big deal of it.
Xander: You wanna talk fun? Public bus. You meet the funnest people.
Cordelia gives the others a disbelieving look.
Xander: Back me up here, Oz.
Oz: Well, if it's a dollar issue, we could all take my van.
Cordelia: Van? The Homecoming Queen doesn't go to the dance in a van.
Use your head.
Willow rolls her eyes.
Xander: (to Cordelia) Well, technically, you haven't been elected
yet... (gets a look from her) Although you certainly and without a doubt
will be. (to the others) Who else likes a limo?
Willow: (smiles) A private limo! It, it is pretty... (nudges up to Oz)
cuddlesome. (looks toward Buffy) And if we all split the cost...
Buffy: (comes out of her reverie) Um... maybe. You know, if I go and
Willow: Why wouldn't you go? You already have your tickets. (Scott
approaches) I mean, unless you don't have a da... (notices Scott) ...ay
o-or two to think about it. We should all think about it.
She hopes she hasn't messed anything up for Buffy with Scott standing
right there. Oz gives a little smirk behind her.
Cordelia: (confused) What's going on here? Did Scott not ask her to the
Homecoming Dance yet?
Buffy: (embarrassed) Thanks, Cordelia. Humiliation's really good for my
Scott: (unsure) Oh, um... well, no. I just... I assumed that you would
think it was corny or something, but I-I'm in... I mean, you know, if
you are, if you want to.
Buffy: Uh, sure... I do. You know, i-if you want to.
Scott: Well, I do if you want to.
Willow smiles widely.
Oz: (smiles) The judges will accept that as a 'yes'.
Scott: (to Buffy) Do you want me to get you another drink?
Buffy: Um... no, actually. Uh... I-I'm a little tired. I think I'm
gonna call it a night. But I'm excited about the dance. (smiles)
Scott: Me, too.
Buffy leans toward him, tugs gently on his jacket and they kiss.
Cut to Angel's mansion. Cut inside. There is a fire going in the
fireplace. Angel walks past it, and the camera follows him. He is
shivering from the cold. He stops and paces back. He turns to go back
again, but is startled by some rustling in the atrium. Slowly he walks
to the doorway. He quickly whips the drapes aside, and there he finds
Buffy, holding a small paper bag. He jumps back a little, startled.
Buffy: I-it's just me. (holds out the bag) Here.
Angel takes the bag and opens it as he walks back into the room. Buffy
follows him in, but keeps her distance. Angel remains faced away from
her. He pulls a quart-sized clear plastic container out of the bag. It's
filled with blood. Angel lifts it to his nose and sniffs.
Buffy: How are you feeling?
Angel jerks his head away slightly from the tub of blood, then lowers it
to take off the lid.
Angel: It hurts... less.
She is unsure how to continue. She turns around and takes a few steps
away before facing him again.
Buffy: I haven't... told Giles and the others that... you're back.
Angel: (quietly) Giles...
He remains faced away from her.
Buffy: And I'm not going to. They wouldn't understand that you're...
better. A-a-and I'm gonna keep helping you get better. It's just that
everything's different now. I'm a senior. I'm really working harder in
school. (smirks slightly) I'm even thinking about college. A-and I'm
involved with someone.
This causes Angel to turn around and give her a surprised look. Buffy
startles and takes a step back. He reaches out and straightens the lapel
of her leather jacket. Buffy takes it from him, and he lets go. He turns
away again, wincing from his body aches as he does so.
Buffy: His name is Scott. He's a nice, solid guy. He makes me happy...
and that's what I need: someone I can count on.
The camera suddenly pans quickly to the left, blurring the picture, and
comes to a stop on Scott at an outside hall at school the next day.
Scott: I don't think we should see each other anymore.
Buffy: (taken aback) You don't? (confused) When did this happen? Where
Scott: Buffy, it's just... Before we were going out, you, you seemed
so... full of life, like a force of nature. Now you just seem distracted
all the time, and...
Buffy: (interrupts) Yeah, I know, it's... I'm getting better. Honest.
In fact, from here on, you are gonna see a drastic distraction
Scott doesn't react at all to her attempt at a joke.
Buffy: 'Drastic distraction reduction.' Try saying that ten times fast.
Scott: I'm really sorry.
He starts walking away sadly. Buffy just watches him go as the camera
pulls back from her.
Cut to a view of her through a pair of binoculars. She is still watching
Scott walk away. Cut to a van with darkly tinted windows in a parking
lot. The camera closes in on it. Cut inside the van. The man looking
through the binoculars lowers them and stares intensely out of the
window. Behind him another man steps around him, also looking out the
window. The first man raises the binoculars back to his eyes, and the
second man attaches a digital video feed to it. Behind them the
binocular's view of Buffy appears on three small screens. The second man
reaches over to a modem set up below the monitors. It is attached to a
cell phone, which he opens, and he presses a button to establish a
connection. The speed dial sends the tones out in a split second.
Cut to a similar modem in a dark office. The tones and screeches of the
connection protocol quickly establish a link. The camera pans up and
back until we see an old man in a wheelchair roll up to the desk by the
keyboard of the computer connected to the modem. He hits a few keys and
looks up at the monitor.
Boss: Is that her?
Trick: (steps into view) In the nubile flesh, my friend.
The camera shows a view of Buffy on the monitor as she walks slowly and
Trick: That's the target.
Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~
Sunnydale City Hall. Cut inside. Deputy Mayor Allan Finch is waiting
nervously outside of Mayor Wilkins' office.
Secretary: The Mayor will see you now.
Allan takes a deep breath to compose himself, and heads for the Mayor's
door. Cut inside the office. Allan opens the door and steps in holding a
folder in his hand. He glances at the Mayor's desk, but doesn't see him
there. He turns his head and sees him coming out of his private
washroom. The Mayor's hands come into the camera's view as he vigorously
dries them off.
Allan: I'm sorry to bother you, sir. (closes the door behind him)
Mayor Wilkins: I'm not bothered, Allan. (goes to his desk)
Allan: (steps toward the desk) Well, I-I'm not sure how serious this
is, but, uh, (opens the folder) they were spotted in town three days
ago. (lays the open folder on the desk) I've just been informed.
Frederick and Hans Gruenstahler, uh, (the Mayor picks up a copy of the
Interpol warrant) wanted in Germany for capital murder, terrorism, uh,
(the Mayor sniffs the paper) the bombing of Flight 1402... Uh, I should
have brought it to your attention sooner, but I'd, I'd wanted to...
(flustered by the Mayor's sniffing) confirm...
The Mayor takes another sniff.
Mayor Wilkins: Would you show me your hands, please?
Allan: (raises his eyebrows) Sir?
Mayor Wilkins: (insistently) Your hands.
He puts the warrant back down, pushes the file aside and indicates that
Allan should put his hands on the desk. Allan holds out his hands and
slowly leans over, placing them flat on the desk. The Mayor leans closer
to inspect them. Allan nervously watches the Mayor, who draws a breath
after looking them over.
Mayor Wilkins: I think they could be cleaner.
Allan: Of course, sir. I-I mean, I, I washed them, but...
The Mayor leans back in his chair. Allan looks like he's about to have a
Mayor Wilkins: After every meal and under your fingernails. Dirt gets
trapped there... and germs... and mayonnaise. My dear mother said,
'cleanliness is next to godliness', and I believed her. She never caught
a cold. (laughs) I'd like these two (points at the warrant) to be put
under surveillance, (Allan straightens back up) and I'd like to know
if... any other colorful characters have come to town.
Allan: I'll take care of it. (smiles weakly)
Mayor Wilkins: You have all my faith.
Allan takes a step back from the Mayor's desk and walks out just a bit
Cut to Sunnydale High. Cut to the lounge. Yearbook pictures are being
taken. Cordelia gives the camera a glowing smile, and her picture is
taken. Xander is up next, and he gives the camera a goofy, heavily
dimpled smile as the flash goes off. Willow hops up on the stool and
gives the camera a big grin. When the photographer doesn't immediately
snap her picture, her expression becomes a bit concerned, and such will
be her picture in the yearbook. Oz just stares blankly into the camera
with a thin smile on his face. After their pictures are taken, Xander
and Willow start to walk out of the lounge.
Willow: You have to help me pick an outfit. I wanna wear something that
makes Oz go, 'Oh.' (grins)
Xander: No problem. I got the tux goin' on. I'm gonna look hot if it
even remotely fits.
They reach Cordelia, who is looking at the other girls that are running
for Homecoming Queen.
Xander: Whatcha doin'?
Cordelia: (startles and faces him) Checking out the I-laughingly-use-
She looks over at Holly, playing with her hair and talking to a couple
of boys. Oz comes up behind Willow and gently puts his arm around her.
Cordelia: Holly Charleston: nice girl, brain dead, doesn't have a
She shifts her gaze to Michelle, who is handing out campaign flyers.
Cordelia: Michelle Blake: open to all mankind, especially those with a
letterman's jacket and a car. (looks at Xander, concerned) She could
give me a run. (crosses her arms)
Willow: Where's Buffy? (Oz looks around) She's gonna miss the yearbook
Xander: Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all *sweaty*.
Cordelia: (corrects him) They're training.
Xander: (gives her a look) I stand by my phrase.
Oz: I don't think she was here the day they announced them. Did anybody
Cordelia: Oh, I'll tell her now. I have to go to the nurse's office for
an ice pack anyway.
Xander: (puts his hand on her arm) Did you hurt yourself?
Cordelia: (smiles) No, silly. (nudges him) It shrinks the pores! (walks
Oz gives Xander a look that oozes "duh".
Cut to the library. Faith holds up her padded hands as Buffy throws
several punches to them. After a particularly hard punch, Faith has to
shake out her hand and take off the pads.
Faith: Oh, man! Guys should break up with you more often.
Buffy: Gee, thank you. (heads toward the book cage)
Faith: (follows) No, I mean it. You really got some quality rage going.
Really gives you an edge. (sets down the pads)
Buffy: (picks up her jacket) Edge Girl. (pulls it on) Just what I
always wanted to be.
Faith: (wipes her cheek with a towel) Well, screw him, alright? You
move on, and... you party heavily, and you'll be fine. I mean, you're
still going to that dance, right?
Buffy: (opens a juice bottle) Maybe. (takes a swallow)
Faith: You got the tix already. Why don't we go together?
Buffy: (closes the bottle) I don't know about that. (smiles)
Faith: Come on. We'll find a couple studs, we'll use 'em and... discard
'em. That's always fun. (nods and takes a swig of her own drink)
Buffy: Okay, I'm in. Not the stud-using part, though. (smirks and rolls
her eyes) Or... probably not.
Cut to the hall. Cordelia looks into the library through the round door
windows, and sees the two Slayers talking. She pushes the door open and
is about to go in when she notices two boys walk by. She slips back into
the hall and rushes to catch up with them.
Cordelia: Uh, Bobby! Mashad! (smiles and giggles) You don't phone, you
don't write... (makes eyes at them) Where's the love?
Cut to the quad. A teacher comes down the stairs while looking over some
reports. When she reaches the bottom, Buffy notices her and runs up to
Buffy: Ms. Moran? (the teacher looks up) Hi! (smiles) I'm so glad that
I ran into you. (they walk slowly) Um, I had this little incident last
year of getting kicked out of school. And I'm back now, though, I've
done all of my makeup tests, but I still need one written recommendation
from a teacher. I think the word that Principal Snyder used was
'glowing'. (smiles awkwardly) Uh, to put in my file so I can prove that
I belong here.
Ms. Moran: (confused) And, um, you are...?
Buffy: (taken aback) Buffy. B-Buffy Summers. (Ms. Moran tries to
remember) Third row. I sat by the window. Uh, your class: Contemporary
American Heroes from Amelia Earhart to Maya Angelou. The class that
changed my life?
Ms. Moran: Were you absent a lot, um...
Cut to the cafeteria. Willow, Oz, Buffy and Xander are sitting at a
table. Buffy just stares off into space while the others pick at their
food. Cordelia walks into view holding out a flyer and touches a student
on the arm.
Cordelia: Hi. I hope you'll consider me for Homecoming Queen.
She walks off, and the camera focuses on the group at the table again.
Buffy: I can't believe it. My favorite teacher, and she didn't even
remember who I was. I'm like a non-person. (to Oz) Am I invisible?
(waves her hand in front of him) Can you see me?
Oz: Big as life.
Buffy: At Hemery, I was Prom Princess, I was Fiesta Queen, I was on the
cheerleading squad. And the yearbook was, like, a story of me. Now it's
senior year, and I'm going to be one crappy picture on one-eighth of one
Xander: (looks up from his plate) Uh, no, actually, you're not.
Buffy: What do you mean?
Xander: Well, you, uh, missed the picture-taking.
Buffy: (eyes wide with surprise) When? (looks at Oz) Why?
Oz: We did 'em yesterday.
Willow: Didn't Cordelia tell you?
Buffy settles her gaze on a campaigning Cordelia.
Cut to Cordelia handing a flyer to a student. Buffy approaches behind
Cordelia: Thanks for your support. (smiles and turns around) Buffy, you
look so cute in that outfit.
Buffy: I'm not voting for you.
Cordelia: (curtly) Then make it snappy.
Buffy: How come you didn't tell me they were doing the yearbook
pictures? (crosses her arms)
Cordelia: Didn't I? Oh, I guess I forgot. What's the big?
Buffy: It's just... (exhales) You could've thought about somebody else
for thirty seconds, that's all.
Cordelia: Hey, I am under a *lot* of pressure here.
Buffy: Oh, yeah, campaigning. Rough gig.
Cordelia: What would you know about it? Just because you were Guacamole
Queen when you were three doesn't mean you understand how this works.
Buffy: Obviously, it involves handing out entirely lame flyers.
Cordelia: No. It involves being part of this school and having actual
Buffy takes offense, and glares at Cordelia.
Cordelia: Now, if it was about monsters, blood, and innards, then you'd
be a shoo-in. I'd like to see *you* try to win the crown.
Buffy: You would?
Cordelia huffs and walks around Buffy to leave.
Buffy: Then you will.
Cordelia stops in her tracks and turns to face her.
Cordelia: What does that mean?
Buffy: (faces her) I'm gonna show you how it's done. I'm gonna run for
Homecoming Queen, and I'm going to win.
Cordelia: This is starting to be sad.
Buffy: Sorry, Cordy, but you have no idea who you're messing with.
Cordelia: What? The Slayer?
Buffy: I'm not talking about the Slayer. I'm talking about Buffy.
You've awakened the Prom Queen within. And that crown is going to be
Cut to Trick's house.
Trick: Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us
strive. It... makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us kill. We
all have the desire to win. (walks through the room) Whether we're
human... (gestures to three men) vampire...
He nods to Lyle Gorch and his wife, then stops by a yellow-skinned
creature with a spiny ridge along the top of his head.
Trick: ...and whatever the hell you are, my brother. You got them
spiny-looking head things. I ain't never seen that before.
Kulak: I am Kulak, of the Miquot Clan.
Trick: Isn't that nice. (continues walking) Point is, you're all here
for the same reason.
Lyle: Well, it sure ain't no philosophy class, now, is it?
His wife Candy smiles at him. Trick stops pacing and faces him.
Trick: Mr. Gorch, my account statement says that your deposit has not
yet been made.
Lyle: Well, me and Candy... we blowin' our whole honeymoon stash on
this little game here.
He empties a bag of cash onto the table.
Trick: (unimpressed) They're dirty.
Lyle: (smiles) They're nonconsecutive.
Trick gives the money another look, and this time is impressed.
Trick: (to everyone) The games will begin in a few days' time. The
first target, Buffy, you've all seen. The second, Faith, is... a little
more elusive. But they will both be together and ready for the killing,
and that is a money-back guarantee.
The Gorches smile.
Trick: Ladies, gentlemen, spiny-headed looking creatures, welcome to
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~
The Rosenberg house that evening. Cut to Willow's room. "How", by Lisa
Loeb, is quietly playing on the radio. Willow is trying on an outfit,
and steps out from behind her changing screen wearing a crimson blouse
over a white satin slip dress.
Willow: What do you think of this?
Xander glances over at her as he tucks his white, long-sleeve dress
shirt into his tuxedo pants. His bow tie hangs around his collar, still
Xander: (shrugs) Nice. (smiles)
He goes back to tucking in his shirt.
Willow: It's my first big dance, you know? (unbuttons her blouse)
(smiles) Where there's a boy and a band... and not just me alone in my
room pretending that there's a boy and a band.
Lyrics: I didn't come this far
Willow: (picks up another outfit) I just want it to be...
She goes back behind the changing screen as Xander steps over to her
dressing mirror to tie his bow tie.
Xander: Special. That's why I spared no expense on the tux.
Willow: The tux? I thought you, uh, borrowed it from your cousin Rigby.
Lyrics: For you to make this hard for me.
Xander: (struggling with his tie) Expense to my pride, Will. They're
our only relations with money, and they shun us... as they should.
Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'how'?
Willow steps out from behind the screen again, this time wearing a black
top embroidered with several randomly placed small sunflowers and a
smiling sun over a full-length black skirt with a floral print.
Willow: What do you think about this?
Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart beat?
Xander: (looks and nods) Nice.
Lyrics: Why do you breathe?
He turns his attention back on his tie. Willow sees him struggle with it
and comes over to him, raising her hands along the way to reach for the
tie. Xander lets go of the tie, and she starts to tie it. She looks up
at him and gives him a little smile.
Lyrics: How does your heart beat?
Lyrics: And why do you breathe?
Willow: (smiling) I was just...
Lyrics: Why did you come here?
Willow: Remember the eighth-grade cotillion? (giggles) You had that
Lyrics: You weren't invited
Xander: Hey, I was pretty stylin' with a clip-on.
Lyrics: And you're on the outside
Willow: And now here we are, and it's... Homecoming. (concentrates on
Xander: Yeah, we should face it, Will.
Lyrics: Stay on the outside.
Xander: You and I are gonna be in neighboring rest homes while I come
over so you can adjust my, um...
Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'why'?
Willow raises her eyebrows at him.
Xander: My, uh... Well, I can't think of anything that's not really
Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart beat?
Willow is finished with the tie and smiles at him. She pats the tie and
then goes back behind the screen to try on yet another outfit. Xander
pulls on his vest.
Lyrics: And how do you cry?
Xander: So, uh... you and Oz.
Lyrics: How does your heart beat?
Xander: How do I put this? (buttons the vest) Are we on first, second,
or, uh... ye gods?
Willow: That's none of your business, Alexander Harris.
Her shadow on the screen shows her adjusting the shoulder straps of the
dress she's putting on.
Lyrics: And there are some things that I like to figure out
Xander: (smiles) Ooo, rounding second. (reaches for his jacket)
Willow: (huffs) You don't know that. What about you and Cordelia?
Lyrics: There are some things that I can do without
Xander: (pulls on the tuxedo jacket) Oh, a gentleman never talks about
Willow: Oh, yeah? (steps out from behind the screen) Well, since when
did you become a...
Lyrics: You and your letters are gone forever
They are both struck dumb when they see each other. She is wearing an
elegant black, sleeveless, full-length dress. Xander is looking dapper
in his tuxedo. They don't say anything for a long moment. Willow finally
breaks the silence to finish her sentence.
Willow: ...gentleman? (smiles and giggles)
She looks down at her dress, then back up at him and shrugs.
Willow: Uh, I know. 'Nice.'
Xander: I was gonna go with 'gorgeous'. (steps toward her)
Willow: (smiles) Really? (steps toward him) You, too. I-in a guy way.
Lyrics: With all the things that you could be
Xander: (smiles back and draws a breath) Oz is very lucky.
Willow: (smiling) So is Cordelia... i-in a girl way.
Lyrics: You never could learn how to be me.
Suddenly Willow looks very worried.
Willow: I don't know if I can dance in this. I don't know if I can
Xander: Come on. Piece of cake.
He steps up to her and offers his hands to dance.
Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'how'?
They take a few seconds to get positioned for a traditional slow waltz,
and then start to dance.
Xander: Well, that seems to, um...
He looks down at their feet as they sway back and forth for a little
while. Willow looks up at him, but tries not to look like she is.
Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart beat? / Why do you breathe?
Willow: Yeah. This shouldn't be a... problem.
Lyrics: How does your heart beat?
They slowly inch closer to each other.
Lyrics: Why do you breathe?
Xander: No problem.
Lyrics: How does your heart beat? / Why do you breathe?
He slowly leans his head down to her, and she responds by angling hers
up to him. They are soon very close, and kiss gently. The kiss goes on
for several seconds before they realize what they are doing and quickly
Lyrics: How do you breathe?
Xander: (points at her) That didn't just happen!
Willow: No! (gestures nervously) I mean, it did, but it didn't!
Xander: Because I respect you. And Oz. And I would never...
Willow: (furrows her brow) I would never, either! I-it must be the
clothes. I-it's a fluke.
Xander: It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is. And there'll be no
Willow: Not ever.
They step closer again, and are about to kiss when they jump apart
Xander: We gotta get out of these clothes!
Willow: Right now!
They quickly realize the implication of what they just said, and get all
flustered and gesture wildly.
Xander: Oh, I didn't mean...
Willow: I didn't... me, either!
She rushes back behind her screen. Xander hastens the other way.
Cut to Sunnydale High the next day.
Buffy: A campaign is like a war. It's won or lost in the trenches.
Cut to the library, where Buffy has the large whiteboard arrayed with
pictures of Cordelia, Michelle and Holly. Next to each picture is a
thermometer filled in red up to their perceived levels of popularity.
Below each picture is a list of strengths and weaknesses for each girl.
Buffy walks past the board, pointing at each picture with a pointer
stick as she goes by.
Buffy: Holly, Michelle, and our real competition, Cordelia, all have
big head starts. (sets down the pointer) Speaking of big heads, if I had
a watermelon as big as Cordelia's, I'd be rich.
She smiles at Xander, Willow and Oz, who are sitting on the table
fidgeting nervously and looking as though they are desperate to get out
of there. They don't react to Buffy's joke at all. Her smile fades.
Buffy: Waits for laugh...
She gives up waiting for a response and takes a few steps along the
Buffy: Okay, you're right. Making fun of the competition only makes me
seem petty. Now, this is just like any other popularity contest. I've
done this before. The only difference being this time, I'm not actually
popular. Although, I'm not exactly unpopular. A lot of people came to my
welcome home party.
Willow: But they were killed by zombies.
Buffy: (points at her) Good point. Okay, (steps up to them) here's the
plan. Willow, I need you to make a database. See who's for us, who's on
the fence and where our real crisis areas are. Oz, you take the fringe:
musicians, those not normally inclined to vote. Xander, what...
She notices Cordelia coming into the library. Cordelia looks at them,
wondering what's going on and crosses her arms.
Buffy: Uh, Cordelia... Okay, look. I know this is a little awkward, but
I don't see any reason why we all can't get along during this campaign
time. (Cordelia shrugs and nods) I mean, we're... almost friends, and...
we are all riding together in the limo.
Cordelia: Yeah, great. Willow, how's that database coming?
Willow: (looks down in shame) Uh, it's... just about done. (sighs)
Cordelia: (insistently) Xander?
Xander: (whips his head around to face her) I got your new flyers.
Cordelia: Let's get cracking.
Buffy gives them all a betrayed look. Xander slips off of the table.
Xander: (to Buffy) She's my girlfriend. (goes to Cordelia)
Willow slides off of the table also, and gestures and shrugs a lot when
she looks at Buffy on her way to join Xander and Cordelia.
Willow: It's just that... she needs it so much more than you do.
Oz gets off of the table also, and stops by Buffy on his way after
Willow, pointing back and forth between Willow and himself.
Oz: As Willow goes, so goes my nation.
He goes over to stand with the others, who are hanging their heads in
shame and embarrassment behind Cordelia. Cordelia, by contrast, is
standing proudly erect, facing Buffy with her arms crossed.
Cordelia: Thanks for what you said, Buffy. I think we're getting along
great. Don't you?
Buffy takes it silently with a look of betrayal and abandonment evident
on her face. Cordelia turns and heads out of the library. The others
each give Buffy a quick apologetic glance and follow her out. Giles
walks into the area as Buffy goes to the table to get her bottle of
Giles: Seems like a lot of fuss for... one little title.
Buffy: Well, you know, it's no fun if you don't try your best. (takes a
Giles: As long as fun is still in the mix.
Buffy: (smiling) Sure! It's not like anyone takes it that seriously.
The bottle in her hand suddenly shatters under the pressure of her grip.
Buffy gives Giles an innocent smile.
Cut outside to the quad. The Homecoming Queen campaigning is well under
way. "Fire Escape", by Fastball, plays in the background as the camera
moves around, taking in various scenes of the girls trying to get votes.
Buffy talks to a small group of students while handing out fliers, then
looks over her shoulder at Cordelia. The camera pans over to Cordelia
glancing at Buffy. When she notices Buffy looking at her, she shifts her
attention to her own group of people, several of whom already have her
Lyrics: Well, I don't wanna be president
The camera pans again, and the scene dissolves to Trick's abode and
Jungle Bob checking his rifle.
Lyrics: Superman or Clark Kent
He walks past the Gruenstahler brothers wrestling with each other.
Lyrics: I don't wanna walk 'round in their shoes
The camera continues panning past Lyle and Candy Gorch kissing on a
Dissolve back to the quad at school. The camera pans across a bulletin
board on which Holly, Michelle and Cordelia each have a flyer posted.
Lyrics: 'Cause I don't know whose side I'm on
Buffy walks up to the board and posts her much larger flyer right on top
Lyrics: I don't know my right from wrong
Cut to the Gruenstahler's boss, checking maps and coordinates on his
Lyrics: I don't know where I'm going to
Behind him his boys keep up with their training. Cut to Jungle Bob,
testing a bear trap. He sticks a mannequin leg into it, and the jaws
instantly snap shut, shattering the leg. Cut to Kulak. He raises his
arms and snaps them down so his forearms are extended out from him
horizontally at his waist.
Lyrics: I don't know about you
Both of Kulak's forearms split open from elbow to wrist, and a long,
serrated, green throwing weapon pops out of each arm and into his hands.
He roars and quickly heaves them both at a wall, where they both hit
within inches of each other.
Cut to the quad at school again. Buffy comes down the stairs with a
bounce in her step.
Lyrics: I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape
At the bottom she fakes dropping her stack of flyers. Scott sees them
fall, and quickly kneels down to pick them up.
He hands her the flyers, and they both stand back up.
Lyrics: And I may not be the man you want me to
Scott: (looks at the flyers) I heard you were doing this.
Buffy: Uh... yeah. It's just something to pass the time.
Lyrics: I can be myself
Buffy: It's silly, really.
Lyrics: How 'bout you?
Scott: I don't think so. For what it's worth, you have my vote.
Buffy: No, I don't want you to feel... (reconsiders and smiles) Thank
Scott nods his head back at her and leaves.
Lyrics: I don't wanna make you mad
Buffy smiles to herself and pulls out her campaign notebook.
Lyrics: I don't wanna meet your dad
She opens it to a list of names, and checks off Scott's name.
Lyrics: I don't wanna be your dream come true
She closes it, notices another boy coming and tosses her flyers on the
ground again, making like it was an accident. The boy bends down to pick
them up. Cut to a hall. Buffy is wearing a Sunnydale High team jacket
and talks to a group of athletes also wearing team jackets. They all
smile at her as she makes small talk with them.
Lyrics: 'Cause I don't know just what I've found
Cut to her campaign book. She checks off the name of Daryl Sancton. Cut
to the quad. Holly is about to offer a brownie to a boy when Buffy comes
up to him and gives him a huge chocolate cupcake. She gives him a
radiant smile, and then smiles smugly to herself as she walks off.
Lyrics: I don't know my sky from ground
Cut to her campaign notebook. She checks off Leafe Small's name.
Lyrics: I don't know where I'm going to
Cut to the quad. After giving away two more chocolate cupcakes, Buffy
walks over to a column to post a flyer. Cordelia comes up to the two
students and smiles brightly as she hands them each a basket full of
sweets and chocolates.
Lyrics: I don't know about you
Cordelia then holds open a bag for them to dump their cupcakes into.
Buffy watches as Cordelia steps over to a trashcan and drops the bag
into it. Cordelia gives her a smug look and smiles before walking off.
Cut to the halls. Willow looks at two flyers of Buffy and Cordelia
posted next to each other, sighs and starts to walk along the hall. She
only gets a few steps before she runs into Buffy.
Willow: (jumpy) Hi! How are you? You good? You look good. Anything new?
(smiles) Hey, did I mention you look good?
Buffy: Willow, it's okay that you're helping Cordelia. We're best
friends. I'm not gonna hold it against you.
Willow: (whining) No, I'm not a friend. I'm a rabid dog who should be
shot! But there're forces at work here! Dark, incomprehensible forces.
Buffy: And I'm sure they're more important than all we've been through
together, or... the number of times that I've saved your life.
Willow: (looks at her imploringly) What do you want?
Buffy: Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database.
Willow: (gives in with a squeaky voice) 'Kay.
She slides her backpack from her shoulder and sits at a table by a
Buffy: (smiles) Good! Oh! (sits also)
Cut outside the window. The camera pulls back from it.
Buffy: So, I spoke to the limo people, and we're all set.
Cut inside the Gruenstahler's van. One of them is looking at them
through binoculars while the other has a parabolic listening device
trained on them and records their conversation.
Buffy: They'll pick up Faith, then me, then swing by and get you guys.
Now, what's your database tell you about *my* weaknesses?
Cut to a hall. Jonathon takes a big bite out of a chocolate cupcake as
he walks slowly along. The camera pulls back from him to show Buffy
walking with him with her arm around his shoulders.
Buffy: You know, Jonathon, I've always felt a special bond between you
Jonathon: (with his mouth full) Cordelia gave me six bucks. (they stop
walking) That buys a *whole* lotta cupcakes. (takes another bite)
Cut to another part of the hall where Cordelia is talking to another
group of students.
Cordelia: Are you kidding?
She holds up her hand with her fingers spread in the characteristic 'V'
form of the Vulcan greeting.
Cordelia: I've been doing the Vulcan death grip since I was four.
She smiles at a guy and pokes him in the forehead a few times with her
spread fingers, blissfully unaware that she doesn't know the first thing
about the Vulcan nerve pinch, not even its proper name. Buffy walks up
behind her with her arms crossed.
Buffy: So you really are giving out money, huh?
Cordelia: (turns to face her) Is that any more tacky than your faux
'I'm shy but deep' campaign posters?
Cordelia: This whole trying to be like me really isn't funny anymore.
Buffy: I was *never* trying to be like you, and when was it funny?
Cordelia: I don't see why your pathetic need to recapture your glory
days gives you the right to splinter my vote.
Buffy: (not believing what she's hearing) How can you think it's okay
to talk to people like this? Do you have parents?
Cordelia: Yeah. Two of them... unlike some people.
Buffy: (completely flabbergasted) Your brain isn't even connected to
your mouth, is it?
Xander and Willow walk up behind Cordelia.
Cordelia: Why don't you do us both a favor and stay out of my way?
She starts to walk past her, putting her hand on Buffy's shoulder to
push her out of the way. Buffy grabs her hand and pulls it off of her.
Buffy: Don't *ever* do that again.
Cordelia: (jerks her hand away) You're sick, you know that?
Xander takes Cordelia by the arms from behind.
Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll, uh, regret later...
Cordelia: (to Buffy) You crazy freak!
Buffy: Vapid whore!
Xander: ...like that!
He pulls Cordelia away from Buffy.
Cordelia: (incensed) What did you call me?!
Xander quickly leads her away down the hall. Willow steps up to Buffy
looking extremely worried.
Willow: This is just...
Cut to Willow's room later that afternoon. She paces behind Xander.
Willow: ...the worst thing that's ever happened. Ever!
She sits on her bed and crosses her arms and legs, looking down sadly.
Xander sits down next to her and puts his arm around her.
Xander: I know. I know. It's just... when I look at you now, it's like
I'm seeing you for the first time.
Willow: I'm talking about Buffy and Cordelia.
Xander: (yanks back his arm) Me, too.
Willow: (sighs) What are we gonna do? I mean, we have to do something.
This is all our fault.
Xander: How do you get from 'chick fight' to 'our fault'?
Willow: (flustered) Because: we felt so guilty about the fluke, we
overcompensated helping Cordelia, and we spun the whole group dynamic
out of orbit, and we're just a big meteor shower heading for Earth...
Xander: Okay, calm down. Let's just put our heads together and think of
something. (Willow nods) (takes a breath) Okay, one of us here is pretty
darn smart, and I am...
Willow looks at him expectantly.
Xander: ...just in Hell. I-I mean, I-I thought being a senior *at last*
and, and having a girlfriend *at last* would, would be a *good* thing.
Now, why wouldn't that be a good thing?
He notices Willow's gazed fixed on his mouth.
Willow: Sometimes when you're falling to pieces, your mouth, (reaches
up with her hand) it just does the sweetest thing. (smiles)
Xander reaches up with his hand, takes hers in it and lowers their hands
to his knee. He puts his other hand over hers as well.
Willow: What are we gonna do?
Xander: We just have to get the two of them communicating.
Willow: I'm talking about us.
They look at each other in silence.
Cut to Buffy's house that night. She is wearing a bright red spaghetti-
strap evening gown with matching shoes and purse. She comes down the
steps from the porch and walks over to the limousine waiting for her in
the driveway. The driver holds open the door for her, and she gets in.
He closes the door. Buffy looks next to her and finds Cordelia sitting
there wearing a green satin dress with a corsage on her wrist.
Buffy: What's going on here? Where's Faith?
Cordelia hands her the card she found in the limo when she was picked
up. Buffy opens it and reads.
Dear Cordelia and Buffy,
We won't be riding to the dance with you.
We want you to work out your problems
because our friendships are more important
than who wins Homecoming Queen.
P.S. The limo was not cheap. Work it out.
She folds the card closed and sets it down.
She looks around and notices the corsage waiting for her in a small box
Buffy: They bought us corsages?
Cordelia: I took the orchid.
Buffy: (rolls her eyes) Okay.
The driver gets in and starts the car. The camera is in a close-up shot
of his ear, and he puts an earpiece into it as the camera pulls out to
reveal that the driver is one of the Gruenstahler brothers. He puts the
car in gear and drives off.
Cut to a lonely stretch of road in the woods. The limousine drives along
at a steady speed.
Cordelia: I don't see what the big deal is.
Cut inside the limo.
Buffy: I'm not making a big deal. You wanted the orchid, you got the
Cordelia: It goes with my complexion better.
The driver pulls the limo to the side of the road.
Buffy: It does have that sallow tint.
She notices the car stop.
Buffy: Finally we're here.
They hear the driver's door slam and his footsteps as he runs off. Buffy
gives Cordelia a concerned look. She opens her door and gets out of the
car. Cut outside. Cordelia gets out behind her and swings the door shut.
They look around, surprised to find themselves in the middle of the
Cordelia: What is this? (loudly) Okay, guys, we've had enough of your
stupid little game!
Buffy notices a VCR and a monitor waiting for them on a rock.
Buffy: What's massively wrong with this picture?
They walk up to it. A sign on the VCR says "Press Play", which Buffy
does. Trick appears on the screen.
Trick: Hello, ladies. Welcome to SlayerFest '98.
Buffy and Cordelia stare at the monitor in disbelief.
Trick: What is a SlayerFest, you ask? Well, as in most of life, there's
the hunters and the hunted. Can you guess where you two fall? From the
beginning of this tape, you have exactly thirty seconds--(checks his
watch) no, that's seventeen now--to run for your lives. (smiles)
Cut to Cordelia.
Cut to Buffy.
Cut to the monitor.
Trick: (smiling hugely) Have a nice death.
The picture fades to black, and the word "SlayerFest" appears in red and
Cordelia: (to the woods around them) Hello! How stupid are you people?
(points at Buffy) She's a Slayer. (puts her hand to her chest) I'm a
They hear a distant gunshot, and an instant later the monitor explodes.
Cordelia gasps in fright, and the two of them begin to run.
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
The Homecoming Dance at the Bronze. Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary)
are on the stage performing "She Knows". The camera is overhead looking
straight down on the drummer. It tilts up as it moves past Oz on his
guitar and Devon at the mic and out into the crowd.
Lyrics: She flies from a blinding light / And spirals to my heart
The camera closes in on Willow and Xander standing about three feet (1m)
apart. Willow has her hands folded in front of her and looks sad as she
watches the band play. Xander is idly nibbling on a finger sandwich
while looking down at the floor, seemingly deep in thought. Faith comes
up behind them.
Faith: What are you two so mopey about?
Lyrics: I try to find my mind to go / don't know where to start
Xander: (looks at her) Oh, we're not mopey. We're groovin'. (points at
the stage) On Oz's band. He's a great guy, Oz.
Lyrics: Won't ever, can't ever find my sanity
Willow: He wrote this song for me.
Faith glances around and sees Scott behind her dancing with a girl.
Lyrics: Won't ever...
Faith: (to Willow, indicating behind them) Sleazebag! (huffs and walks
Lyrics: ...can't ever till I hear her calling for me
Giles finds them and rushes up behind them.
Giles: We have to find Buffy. Something terrible's happened.
Willow and Xander look at him, but aren't upset by this news.
Lyrics: She knows that, she knows that
Giles: (smiles) Just kidding. Thought I'd give you a scare.
Willow looks back at the band. Xander just stares at him.
Lyrics: She knows that side of me
Giles: (sees Xander's sandwich) Are those finger sandwiches?
He goes off to find the buffet table to get a few sandwiches of his own.
Xander looks back at the band now, too.
Lyrics: I can't help it, can't help it
Cut to the woods. Buffy and Cordelia jog through it at a brisk pace.
Buffy scans the forest around them as they go. Cordelia just follows
Cordelia: I have an idea. We talk to these people, we explain that I'm
not a Slayer, and they let me go.
They slow to a walk. Buffy ignores Cordelia's comment, and keeps
scanning around them. Cordelia looks down and sees that Buffy is about
to step into a bear trap.
Cordelia: Look out!
With her fast Slayer reflexes, Buffy instantly lifts her foot back up,
and the trap snaps shut empty. Knowing someone must be near, Buffy grabs
Cordelia and pulls her to the ground as Jungle Bob takes aim with his
Buffy: Get down!
He shoots and misses. Buffy grabs the sprung trap and hurls it at Jungle
Bob. It hits him hard, and he staggers back and steps into another bear
trap. He grunts when it snaps shut on his leg. Buffy hurries over to him
with Cordelia not far behind. She picks up his rifle and points it at
Buffy: That's gotta smart.
Jungle Bob tries to pry open the trap.
Buffy: Now, I can let you out of that, or I can put a bullet in your
head. How many are there in this little game, and what are they packing?
He just stares at her, refusing to speak. Buffy pumps a fresh round into
the gun's chamber. This gives him cause to think again.
Jungle Bob: There's me, two Germans with AR-15s and grenade launcher...
yellow-skinned demon with long knives... Vampire couple from Texas named
Buffy: That everybody?
Jungle Bob: Everybody who's out here. Germans are wired. Their boss is
tracking them on computer. Now get me out of this!
Cordelia: Could I just ask you an *eensy* favor? Could you just tell
your friends that I'm not a Sl...
Cordelia screams and jumps back as Kulak's serrated weapons slice into
the tree in front of her.
Cut to the Bronze. Giles selects a few finger sandwiches from the buffet
Lyrics: Just a little more, just a little more
Behind Giles, Faith moves around the table, and the camera follows her
over to Scott. He is dancing slow and close with his date.
Lyrics: Just until I know what I'm feeling
Faith touches the couple, and they pull apart.
Faith: Scott? There you are, honey!
Lyrics: Just a little more
Faith: Hey, good news.
Lyrics: Just a little more / To find my sanity
Faith: (with lots of gesturing) The doctor says that the itching and
the swelling and the burning should clear up, (puts her hands on his
chest) but we gotta keep using the ointment.
Scott's date isn't sure what to make of that. Faith turns to her and
touches her on the shoulder.
Lyrics: She knows that side is calling back for me
She turns back to Scott, grabs him by the lapels and gives him a little
pull. She lets go of him and walks away. Scott turns back to his date,
The camera pans back across the buffet table to Giles. He chews on a
bite of his finger sandwich and steps over to Willow and Xander sitting
angled away from each other. Willow stares at the floor while Xander
leans his face into his fist.
Lyrics: I've lost my mind / I never believe
Giles: I suspect the, uh, finger food contains... actual fingers.
Xander gives him a quick disgusted glance. Willow just stares sadly at
Lyrics: She knows that side...
Giles: I-I-I think I'll retreat to the library until the coronation.
He gets no reaction from either of them.
Lyrics: ...is calling back for me
Giles: I wanna be here when, when, when Buffy... Well, uh, however the
thing turns out for her.
Lyrics: I lost my mind til she's calling for me
Giles: A-and that was a very fine thing you two did, putting Buffy and
Lyrics: She's calling for me / She's calling for me
He holds out the rest of his sandwich wrapped in a napkin out to Xander,
who idly takes it. Giles then heads out of the Bronze to go to his
Lyrics: She knows that, she knows that
Willow keeps staring down at the floor with a big frown on her face.
Willow: We did one fine thing.
Lyrics: She knows that side of me
Xander: Yeah. They've been gone for a while. They must really be
getting' into it.
Lyrics: I can't help it
Cut inside a run-down cabin in the woods.